DNA Diaries

i was at work tonight and on a job that allowed me plenty of time to think of many things. some unwelcome thoughts, others very warm and wonderful. one such thought was of the first time i laid eyes on Lori.

about two years before i found Lori, i went to the bar with some friends for some drinks and socializing. it just so happened to be 'psychic night'. i thought it would be fun, so i paid the woman and sat down across the table from her. she laid out her cards and with very few questions began to weave a web of some interesting things. she touched on my boyfriend (hubby now) and our relationship, kids, loved ones that passed on, a mixture of lots of things. then she asked me if i had any questions for her.
i told her i wanted to know about my parents. my amom had been having a very rough year, her health was a constant yo yo. the whole family was exhausted and worried. i wanted some small amount of hope that it would be alright soon. that we would be able to breath again without fear.
what she said next was so crazy i almost fell off my seat. good thing i had a drink, because my mouth went dry.

she spread the cards on the table. a puzzled look consumed her face. she kept laying out cards, staring at them with confusion. then she divided them into two separate places on the table and continued to add more to each. finally she said, "i simply don't understand this"
i asked what was going on, i couldn't imagine my little life was so complex that a person claiming to have a gift of insight couldn't figure it out.
looked at me, still very confused and said "i see two. two mothers, one older one younger. i don't see how that is possible."
i was intrigued. i let her go on for a bit, just to see what she would pick up on without my input. it was downright eerie. she told of the older one having an awful year. her health was poor and she saw much fear and heartache within the family. she then assured me it was going to be fine, she would rebound and make a strong recovery.
i felt some relief from her vote of confidence. after all she had been right on target with the rest of the reading.

after this i let her off the hook and explained i was adopted. her eyes lit up like fireworks. she understood who the younger mother was in my cards. she told of much strife in her life, a passionate need for me, her love and her strength. she said i would meet her before i was 29, there would be water involved, maybe a bridge or over and ocean. maybe even by a lake, but there was LOTS of water. and she saw lots of travel. all around the reunion was travel. her message was clear, she was waiting for me and needed me as badly as i needed her.

then she said "she has felt you too" a very unsettling yet comforting statement. my whole life i felt Lori, i cant explain it fully, but she was always with me. we may have been separated, but we were never apart, not totally. we clung to the imaginary threads of one another.

so time passed and her other predictions came and went with some amusement to me. i am not a firm believer in all of that. it is fun, but i 'base my life on the outcome of a bar tarot card reader. but one day, i got a phone call that would change my world forever. it was from carol, the woman that was helping me in my search for my birthmother. a wonderously kind and sweet woman.
she had some things to show me and discuss, i needed to come to her office as soon as i could. so away soon to be hubby and i went. i was nervous, scared and excited all at once. i had no idea what was in store for me.
when we got to the office carol was beaming, her cheeks red as cherries and a smile from ear to ear. i knew then, my life was on a brink of utter upheaval. and i couldn't wait.

we sat and she slid the envelope to me, there, inside was not only her name, but her signature. she was right there. i saw something written with her own hand, 28 years earlier. (yup, before i turned 29, just like seer woman predicted)

as we left and drove home, i simply sat in awe. carol had found out that Lori had moved and we did not have a current address or phone number. it was disappointing, but i had so much to work with now, i didn't even care.
after a few calls to information, we came up with a name we thought to be her father. it was actually her nephew and his wife, but i called anyway. the woman on the other end was so warm and friendly. i didn't tell her who i was or what i wanted Lori's number for. i just simply said i "knew her a lifetime ago and wanted to get in touch with her again" not exactly a lie.

so there i sat. with her name and now a phone number staring me in the face. now what? what if she changed her mind? what if she no longer wanted contact with me? what if she had a family she never told of me? what if i call and i have to hear her say "dint call me again, goodbye forever"?
we decided my soon to be hubby would call. that way he could soften the blow to me and i didn't have the sound of her voice echoing in my head forever.
it was a fantastic conversation. she was open, warm and just like me. all i could do after the first few minutes of the conversation was giggle. I FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF MY BRAIN

we decided to met soon. she lived about 4 hours away (by the way, the agency said i was in another state and told my family Lori had run away and was missing)
her friend was flying home from Europe and she was going to pick her up at the airport, we could meet there before hand.

the day FINALLY came and as we drove a storm rolled in. the rain was insane. it came down like a waterfall. the roads were running with water, visibility was almost zero, but we plugged away.
hmmm, lets see, my reading said 'before i was 29, lots of water and travel'. yeah, a 28 year old, driving in monsoon conditions to the international airport to meet her long lost mother. yup, guess we covered all the bases.

we arrived, waterlogged, but we arrived. we waited. i searched the crowds, assuming she would stand out like a glowing beacon. i would recognize her immediately. there would be no questioning it was her. i would just know.
i stepped into the bathroom for a moment and when i came out i plopped down next to my soon to be. we chatted and i noticed him looking out the corner of his eye. i followed his gaze to a woman standing at the end of the row of seats we were in. she was a normal woman, no aura of light, no familiar sense of her, just a woman.
she was staring back.
my breath caught in my throat. my lungs ceased. my stomach lurched. i could feel my pulse race, i could hear my blood rushing in my ears. my palms became damp and i think every hair on my body stood at attention.
never breaking her stare i leaned in and whispered to him "is that her? is that Lori?" she read my lips and began to nod. the look of fear and anticipation was evident. she noticed me, she knew me, she found me.

the embrace was rib crushing. people stared, but because they thought we were just meeting up after a short separation, like the rest of them. it was an airport after all. little did they know they were watching the first embrace of a mother and daughter-28 years late. i smiled until it hurt, she cried. then we went to the lounge for a much needed drink.
there wasn't as much talking as you would expect. we were in such awe of one another all we could do was stare. it didn't take long to realize--we looked nothing alike.
i was slightly disappointed, i had this idea in my head that we would be borderline twins. exact faces at different stages in life. i had never had anyone i looked like. but it didn't matter-i had her and that's all i cared about.

the three of us walked side by side, making our way back to where we were to meet her friend, she lifted her hand to tuck the hair behind her ear and i grabbed her wrist. she stared at me as if i was slightly nutty. all i could do was whisper "that's my hand"
right there, it was my hand on her body. she smiled and indulged my amazement. she held her hand out in front of her while i did the same. side by side. they were so much alike they could have belonged on the same body. her fingers were short, her palms were broad and they were slightly wrinkled showing the years of work they had done. JUST LIKE MINE. it may not have been the facial features i expected, but it was real and tangible proof-i was hers.

we parted ways that day, not knowing exactly where this would lead. i hated to leave her, i wanted to be with her. but life was still moving on and i was a grown woman with children of my own. being a child wanting her mommy was not an option.
as we pushed open the door to leave, my soon to be grabbed my hand. and together we trudged our way through ankle deep water rushing through the parking lot like a roaring rapid. our shoes were soaked, our jeans clung to us like a second skin, the rain pelted us like stinging nettles. but we didn't care. he had lead me to my mother, i felt her arms around me, i saw my hands, i put another piece into the puzzle of my past. in my mind, it was a perfect sunny day, warmth washing over me, the smell of flowers in the air and a warm breeze rustling my hair.
it couldn't have been more perfect.