Blood Siblings having Children  

Monday, May 31, 2010

I want people to understand that this happens more often than one might think. I remember an article about a guy who at the request of his wife donated sperm and fathered over 200 children. Now what are the chances that NONE of those offspring will be subjected to this same insane cruelty.

I read about an adoptee who was afraid to date because of this very thing happening. About couples who are forbidden to have further contact with one another because it was discovered they were related. Treated as if they deliberately and willingly did something that was against the law.

Adoption and surrogacy aren't even part of this article and it still happens. If it can happen under these circumstances why is it so hard to believe that it would happen when children are adopted or created? Why do people think that this is so rare? Why can some not get it through their heads that people related are in fact attracted to one another? That it's a bond that they share through blood.

I know that my sons are not as close as I would like them to be. My brothers aren't either. But if they didn't know they were related and met on the street, I would bet money that they would like one another, they would share a bond that they felt was a friendship, just like so many other people do. We all have friends.

This is in no way suggesting that this is a male related thing. I have no sisters, and my daughter is much older than her brothers so I have no reference other than brothers and sons.

I have had the debate over whether its acceptable for adopted brother and sister, step brother and step sister to have relationships. Some see adopted and step siblings "as siblings" and they don't see where an attraction can form. Or they don't believe one would. It's wrong to them because they are siblings, but there is no blood relation.

 What aboout those who are blood related? Who by no fault of their own, who by some higher power playing God, keeping them from being exactly what others pretend to be, siblings, are left to sift through life's bits and pieces,  being accused of gross practices when their fates were cast through secrets and lies.  Where is their place?  Do they have siblings or not? Are they still related to their siblings even though their legal bond has been severed? How can one not be related just because the legalities no longer exist? Then all of a sudden your related again when an attraction forms? How can that pendulum swing both ways?

Please read this article carefully. Make sure you understand who each person is in relation to the other. This father tried and was denied access to his son. Who's to blame? Why should they have to live with the fear of criticism of their actions when they weren't trusted with their own past? They were victims of the system who felt "they" knew what was best.

The entitlement some feel, the superiority in authoritative thinking, really pisses me off some times. Playing God with other peoples lives as if they know the out come.

This story breaks my heart. No doubt someone will dig till they find these people and exploit them and their son. I hope this couple (these siblings) do sue. I hope they sues and win. I hope anyone else who has been traumatized in this same fashion sues and wins till they get it through their heads that what they the courts are doing is wrong. It has consequences and it devastates peoples lives.

Couple discover they are siblings: Child courts blamed after strangers fall in love, have a son - an

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A Fiercest Competition  

Monday, May 24, 2010

It might just be me, but something occurred to me recently. That motherhood is a highly charged, stiffly competitive game. I have seen mothers (even myself at times) criticize other mothers for their choices in "how" to rear their children. I have been on the ugly end of judgement most of my mothering life.

I have a son whom I argue with almost constantly. I have taught my kids to debate. Well maybe I didn't teach it, maybe its a genetic defect, because the child I didn't raise seems to have no problem standing up for herself, and she is elegant when she does it. Vicious, but damned good at making a point not only hit home but sting. LOL Makes a mother proud.

I argue with my son to let him get his feeling emotions and point of view out. At school this behavior is strictly prohibited and to an extent I can see why. What chaos it would be if you had to sit and listen to every hormonal teenager. Not a job I would want. But stifling them only puts a band aid on the problem. Leaving the powder keg that lurks below in tact.

I have been accused of teaching my kids to be explosive, instead of being congratulated for taking the time and energy to tend to my child's needs. A good mother wouldn't handle things the way I do. A good mother wouldn't let a child call me the names I have. A good mother would punish for every behavior that isn't completely parent compliant.

Instead of looking at the big picture, the one that clearly shows that this child has inner frustration, and as a child only knows one way to get that frustration out, violence, others look at me in disgust that I teach my children to "argue". I do not teach my children to argue. I teach them to debate and to stand up for themselves verbally. Because I understand that one day, those abilities are going to come in handy. If you have never exercised your right to use them you will be trampled by life itself.

According to "some of" society, my methods are completely unacceptable and insane. Yet my kids are loved by our small town society and love their mother. I have two teen aged boys who have (knock on wood) yet to beat the crap out of one another. I can't say that about my brothers, and my mom was the typical June Cleverish type mom. I continually struggle to defend my methods of motherhood against those who are the upper crust of our little society, AND those who wish they were.

In order to be acceptable as a parent one needs to be in the cookie cutter box of parenting. They seem to think they know what would be best for every child. How is that possible? Not every child is alike. My own three children are not alike. Each has specific needs that differ from the other. Raising them all the same makes them one person with no identity of their own.

Adoption fuels this frenzy by using specific Industry language. Language that makes one feel superior to others. Language that invokes cookie cutter parenting. Language that empowers those who wish to be upper crust in the parenting circles of society. But instead of tearing down glass ceilings, and making it possible for every mother "and father" to successfully monetarily parent their children we opt for separation. We fuel this insecurity between the haves and the have nots. Those who have money yet can not have children have been schmoozed by Industry language to believe that because of their money "their haves" they will automatically be better parents than those who "have not" the funds. Not realizing that their own "have nots" shows that they are not superior but equal in the arena of life. We all lack in our own certain areas. Industry language allows them to blind themselves to this fact. In short, that we are all human and imperfect.

Motherhood is fiercely competitive. Women willingly pit themselves against others like gladiators in an arena. And to the victors go the spoils. Women with money, who buy into the cookie cutter child rearing of the industry, who are or aspire to be in the upper crust of society,  mame and slaughter those who have not, and society applauds them.

It has taken me years of arguing with my son to get him to not resort to violence first, but to use words to do battle, and yes, life is a strategy game, wars are fought based on strategy, words are powerful tools. I recently listened to him in a telephone battle lol, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. He was brilliant. He was eloquent. He was in control and didn't stammer over his words once, and he won. I was so proud, that when it was over,  I just  had to hug him. What part of being upper crust, having money to throw at a situation, makes my parenting skills less acceptable. I taught my son to use his words instead of his fists. Grant it, his best work comes under pressure and out of anger, but that's when they are needed the most. What part of money, teaches these skills? Why is being able to throw money make one accepted as a better parent?

Funny how once they procure "their" child, they want to join the ranks of mothers who struggle, mothers who worry. They want to converse on daily mothering things, they want to be accepted as "one of them". The gladiator style battle was over winning a seat at the play ground.  How sad. Personally I think they need their own play ground, but that would just mean more damage for the kids.

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The Fox Are Gone  

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm not even sure if I posted that the fox was in fact a female. I know this because she was using the house across the lot as her den. One of her offspring was missing for about a week and then the rest of them departed and have not returned. I miss the excitement of watching them play. I hope they are in the acreage behind me carving out their lives. I hope no one took it upon themselves to capture and relocate theses beautiful animals.

 I goggled this beautiful animal and found out that they in fact rarely eat cats. I worried a bit because of the stray who was so afraid of her and the fact that one of mine went missing. The one who used to play with her. I found him on the side walk in front of the house used as her den. He had been run over. He now resides with the other cat who met his demise via Uniroyal, beneath the big old tree in the back.

 The neighborhood just isn't the same. There are no cats hanging around my door any more. Summer weather I'm sure plays a part, but I can't help but think that the wild little kitten who mistakenly ran into my home, lived behind my stove for 3 months, played with foxes and annoyed the snot out of my other cat, hadn't been the life of the party in the world of back yards and opened spaces. The one stray still comes every few days to eat, but the rest of the gang hasn't been around. I'm sure our tires smell better for it, but my old man cat, the one i have had for years, misses the excitement too.

Maybe winter will bring the fox back to my door.

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