Mesothiloma and contact  

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I have been asked to share a story about Mesothelioma. I am amazed that this woman survived as it is most definitely a killer. I have wondered if I was exposed to Mesothelioma in my years working the auto parts industry. Back in the day, brake pad and shoes were made of asbestos. So were manual clutch discs. All available in both new and rebuilt condition. Because there was the ability to rebuild these items we collected the old ones charging a fee until their return and we counted them by the bin full to return to the manufacturer. Both carried possible dangerous dust and we never used masks. But that's not the only exposure there was to Mesothelioma.

The Government has knows for decades that asbestos is dangerous and it's still used at the risk of your health. I'm not going to get started on the Government and what I think of it allowing this to happen. If you know me at all you know how I feel about that. Instead I'm going to include some links that may surprise you as to where you are still making yourself susceptible to a know killer.!prettyPhoto/15/!prettyPhoto/14/

I don't have television any more. I quit that years ago, but I still hear commercials on other peoples tv sets, or the one where I work. It says "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma", and I drift off both trying to recall my days covered with that stuff because it was dirty and clingy, and at the same time trying not to think about it too much. I seem to be fine. There is no need for alarm. I was disheartened when I briefly clicked on those links and found that this stuff is in my every day life. Right here, right now. I live with asbestos, and I thought I was rid of it.

If you would like to read Heather Von St,James story it is here 

Congrats to you Heather for traveling that road and coming out the other side.


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New Year New Comittment, When did you choose?  

Monday, January 12, 2015

I tried to revive this a few times but didn't seem to stick with it for one reason or another. It's a new year and I am going to try again. One of the things that stalled me in the past was sticking strictly to adoption topics. Frankly I ran out of things to say from a surrendering mothers point of view. My daughter got swamped raising kids, and we both got kind of burned out on talking about our relationship. So I'm not doing that this year. I have other interests and I'm not going to be afraid to share them. It's my blog I can do what I want.

So what are some of my interests. Well writing. I want to find my voice and not just in an adoption kind of way. I want to try to set free all the things I have squashed. I used to be creative. I used to share stories. Lets face it, I used to do a lot of things. At this juncture in my life it's time to try something new. Besides, I don't have the distractions to stop me any more. I can write all day if I want to.

What shall my fist post be?

Can I talk to you about erectile dysfunction?  No? Okay good, I wasn't really interested in going there anyway. How about something that is DNA related, but from another angle, and most likely a stiffy killer all in itself? Choosing Sexuality.

For some, a long standing theory has been that being homosexual is a choice. And my first thought every time I see a written piece on this or a talk show with some supposed expertly opinionated moron spewing damnation is WHO DOES THAT? Really, who in their right mind would consciously choose to be attracted to the same sex. I'm not leaving women out of this, it goes both ways. We'll get to that in a minute.

Let's just stick with the male gender for now, which seems to be the only gender anyone is concerned with. Why would any man choose to be ridiculed, beaten, raped or murdered just to be different? Why would anyone think that a man would do that just to be unique? It would be so much easier to just be like everyone else. To be attracted to what is acceptable to everyone else. Lets face it, most of them have tried, gone to great lengths, but to no avail. You can't wish it away any more than you can wrap an adoptee in a blanket and pretend your giving birth to them and have them believe it. It just doesn't work that way no matter how much yelling and threatening damnation you do. It doesn't change the leopards spots, and why should it. You may be entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to the choices of someone else.

So when a man "chooses" homosexuality it's disgusting and wrong, but when women choose it, its HOT. It's socially acceptable for women to have relations with another females because most men (and a lot of women) want to see it. They want to watch, and that makes it okay.That's called a double standard and doesn't mean you are automatically accepted in the room when lesbian sex is happening. In other words its not done for your entertainment.  Which brings me to the real reason I chose to write about this.

 If homosexuality is a choice, then it is fair to say heterosexuality is also, and that's my topic. When did you choose? When did you choose heterosexuality as your preferred choice of sexual relations. When did you decide you were attracted to the opposite sex? Oh I can hear it now from the straight males and older women who think that's just absurd. I envision my own mother trying to answer this question or some of my uncles. Older folks who didn't have to grow up thinking about such nonsense. Who will mumble about when men were men and women were objects basically. They won't call them that out loud, but they will trip over their words a little bit in trying to express their opinion of what a woman is to them.

So when was it? Did you give choosing your sexuality in-depth thought as an infant? How about toddler? Kindergarten? Third grade? Middle school? High school? College? At all? Ever? At what point do you suggest a gay person chose? That's all.

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Sunday, May 5, 2013

Picking up where we left off

I am trying to pick up where we left off on so many levels.  Still don't have internet but am going to make a conscious effort to rejuvenate this blog. Becky and I have had some strange times over the last 2 years. Nothing drastic, just estranged a bit but were back and maybe we can get active again. 

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A Perfect Example  

Monday, January 31, 2011

Recently I took advantage of an opportunity. It was to use my daughters face book post to get to someone else. Not something I am particularly proud of, but took the advantage of throwing something out there and seeing what happened. I had thought for months how to approach this situation and suddenly there it was. A golden opportunity. There could be huge backlash from it. It could cost me my relationship with my daughter. But I felt so strongly about it that I was willing to take the chance. I was hoping it wouldn't come to that.

Soon I will be moving closer to my daughter. Within an hours drive. This is fantastic news for my daughter and I, but it poses a problem with another family member. Someone I can't take the chance of having around. Someone who, to me, hasn't learned yet to control herself. This someone is my daughters daughter. My grand daughter by blood. I have many reasons and many examples from her past behavior that leave me feeling vulnerable if I allow her into my new home with my new room mate who owns the house I and my son are moving into.

I took my shot, I sat back and waited, and what I feared most started to unfold. I was being attacked. I was called everything from an old whore to someone who couldn't keep the coke straw out of my nose long enough to keep my daughter. Her boyfriend joined in stating that i was acting worse than a 16 year old school girl, that I should be ashamed of who I am, and that my daughters REAL mother is far superior to my low life self.

I know the REAL mother comment was supposed to hurt me, but in all honesty, i was just waiting for it. I knew it would come. I have heard it so many times I am numb to its effects any more and to be honest, I now see it as a last resort. I must have been getting to them with our bantering back and forth for one of them to use the REAL mom card. There is no doubt in my mind that they were running out of things to throw at me. This is a perfect example of what someone will stoop to. To throw a dig that is older than the person themselves, proves that as much as things have changed, some things stay the same.

The question that remains is who DID it hurt? The answer would be, my daughter. The whole thing hurt her, but she understood once we talked it out. I gave her the opened option to walk away and never have contact again. She declined. She has seen her daughter do the same thing to others, and understands why I didn't want to give the benefit of the doubt and wait for something irreversible to happen in my situation. At least I hope what she said is true.

I posted a single comment, "You aren't as honest as you think" and it prompted an on slot of insults and accusations. (which I was pretty sure it would) Twisting my whole life story around to suit her need. Do I deny I did coke, absolutely not, but my daughter had to be close to 15 when that stage of my life transpired. Did I attempt suicide? yes I did, but it was made to sound like it was a recent attempt to gain attention rather than something that happened in 1974 when I was severely hurting and alone. Not allowed to talk about the daughter I missed so much, the pain I felt because of it, or the remorse that haunts me still. Did I become a drunk? Yes I did. But I have been for the most part sober, for longer than my sons AND my grand daughter have been alive. These are all legal adults we are talking about, and I say for the most part because there is a theory that if you take one sip of alcohol in recovery that you have fallen and need to start over. I disagree. I am quite capable of having a few drinks, a few times a year, and not worry about starting my drinking over again. But I was told to go drowned my sorrows at the bar like I so often do.

Was I mean? Probably, but I was honest and I proved that everything I thought would happen, will happen, if I don't make a move and end that relationship. There is more at stake than just a room mate. There is the potential to sabotage my sons career if it does transpire. I am not willing to chance that. It isn't fair to him.

So to those who think that the slut mother/real mother doesn't get used in modern day, you are wrong. When there is nothing else to throw, that card will come into play. Even by those who weren't there, cant imagine, let alone remember, and have no right to use it. But a warning to those who feel its acceptable in times of desperation. You may want to consider who it is you are actually hurting by using it.

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The Bitter Sweetness Of My Tears.  

Friday, August 13, 2010

In contemplating how I would describe my reunion story, I have come to the conclusion that my tears, which can still come at the drop of a dime, are more sweet than bitter since reunion. Which is the exact opposite of how I felt pre reunion. The emotions that come with thinking of our first meeting can still bring tears to my eyes, but they are now different.

In defense of those who have or want to reunite opposite those (usually men) who feel that its too tramatic for us "Birth mothers" to go through. ( a strange situation all on its own, men defending womens rights instead of women speaking up for themselves) I can only say that even though it was hard to relive almost every moment, every aspect of my past. It was so liberating that I literally felt as though weight had been lifted from me. Weight I had carried so long I didn't even notice it was weighing me down. Stopping me from being happy, being a functining human being.

Because I was not allowed to shed tears over my daughter, because I was not allowed to express any emotion about her surrender at all, I learned to stuff down all my feelings. I became a rock. I didn't need anyone, or allow anyone to console me. Not too many got in far enough to affect me.

 I never cried into my pillow feeling the release of pressure through tears. Something I still struggle with today.How I always wished I could be one of those girls who can go have a good cry and come back better, stronger for it.

What a lonely existance I lived. Never being able to fully connect to any other human for 20 years. Then only able to give half of my potential, because part of me was still missing. The birth of my two sons 20 years later gave me a glimmer of hope that I might be able to connect on an unconditional level. A level I had never known.

My reunion and the story of my and my daughters lives, even though it brings tears, has been "the" single best thing that has happened to me thus far in life. It gave me peace, completed me, allowed me feelings and emotions. I can honestly say that if it lasted for only 5 minutes, I would still feel better for it. Because 5 minutes is all I asked for. I am truly blessed to have 11 years.

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Blood Siblings having Children  

Monday, May 31, 2010

I want people to understand that this happens more often than one might think. I remember an article about a guy who at the request of his wife donated sperm and fathered over 200 children. Now what are the chances that NONE of those offspring will be subjected to this same insane cruelty.

I read about an adoptee who was afraid to date because of this very thing happening. About couples who are forbidden to have further contact with one another because it was discovered they were related. Treated as if they deliberately and willingly did something that was against the law.

Adoption and surrogacy aren't even part of this article and it still happens. If it can happen under these circumstances why is it so hard to believe that it would happen when children are adopted or created? Why do people think that this is so rare? Why can some not get it through their heads that people related are in fact attracted to one another? That it's a bond that they share through blood.

I know that my sons are not as close as I would like them to be. My brothers aren't either. But if they didn't know they were related and met on the street, I would bet money that they would like one another, they would share a bond that they felt was a friendship, just like so many other people do. We all have friends.

This is in no way suggesting that this is a male related thing. I have no sisters, and my daughter is much older than her brothers so I have no reference other than brothers and sons.

I have had the debate over whether its acceptable for adopted brother and sister, step brother and step sister to have relationships. Some see adopted and step siblings "as siblings" and they don't see where an attraction can form. Or they don't believe one would. It's wrong to them because they are siblings, but there is no blood relation.

 What aboout those who are blood related? Who by no fault of their own, who by some higher power playing God, keeping them from being exactly what others pretend to be, siblings, are left to sift through life's bits and pieces,  being accused of gross practices when their fates were cast through secrets and lies.  Where is their place?  Do they have siblings or not? Are they still related to their siblings even though their legal bond has been severed? How can one not be related just because the legalities no longer exist? Then all of a sudden your related again when an attraction forms? How can that pendulum swing both ways?

Please read this article carefully. Make sure you understand who each person is in relation to the other. This father tried and was denied access to his son. Who's to blame? Why should they have to live with the fear of criticism of their actions when they weren't trusted with their own past? They were victims of the system who felt "they" knew what was best.

The entitlement some feel, the superiority in authoritative thinking, really pisses me off some times. Playing God with other peoples lives as if they know the out come.

This story breaks my heart. No doubt someone will dig till they find these people and exploit them and their son. I hope this couple (these siblings) do sue. I hope they sues and win. I hope anyone else who has been traumatized in this same fashion sues and wins till they get it through their heads that what they the courts are doing is wrong. It has consequences and it devastates peoples lives.

Couple discover they are siblings: Child courts blamed after strangers fall in love, have a son - an

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A Fiercest Competition  

Monday, May 24, 2010

It might just be me, but something occurred to me recently. That motherhood is a highly charged, stiffly competitive game. I have seen mothers (even myself at times) criticize other mothers for their choices in "how" to rear their children. I have been on the ugly end of judgement most of my mothering life.

I have a son whom I argue with almost constantly. I have taught my kids to debate. Well maybe I didn't teach it, maybe its a genetic defect, because the child I didn't raise seems to have no problem standing up for herself, and she is elegant when she does it. Vicious, but damned good at making a point not only hit home but sting. LOL Makes a mother proud.

I argue with my son to let him get his feeling emotions and point of view out. At school this behavior is strictly prohibited and to an extent I can see why. What chaos it would be if you had to sit and listen to every hormonal teenager. Not a job I would want. But stifling them only puts a band aid on the problem. Leaving the powder keg that lurks below in tact.

I have been accused of teaching my kids to be explosive, instead of being congratulated for taking the time and energy to tend to my child's needs. A good mother wouldn't handle things the way I do. A good mother wouldn't let a child call me the names I have. A good mother would punish for every behavior that isn't completely parent compliant.

Instead of looking at the big picture, the one that clearly shows that this child has inner frustration, and as a child only knows one way to get that frustration out, violence, others look at me in disgust that I teach my children to "argue". I do not teach my children to argue. I teach them to debate and to stand up for themselves verbally. Because I understand that one day, those abilities are going to come in handy. If you have never exercised your right to use them you will be trampled by life itself.

According to "some of" society, my methods are completely unacceptable and insane. Yet my kids are loved by our small town society and love their mother. I have two teen aged boys who have (knock on wood) yet to beat the crap out of one another. I can't say that about my brothers, and my mom was the typical June Cleverish type mom. I continually struggle to defend my methods of motherhood against those who are the upper crust of our little society, AND those who wish they were.

In order to be acceptable as a parent one needs to be in the cookie cutter box of parenting. They seem to think they know what would be best for every child. How is that possible? Not every child is alike. My own three children are not alike. Each has specific needs that differ from the other. Raising them all the same makes them one person with no identity of their own.

Adoption fuels this frenzy by using specific Industry language. Language that makes one feel superior to others. Language that invokes cookie cutter parenting. Language that empowers those who wish to be upper crust in the parenting circles of society. But instead of tearing down glass ceilings, and making it possible for every mother "and father" to successfully monetarily parent their children we opt for separation. We fuel this insecurity between the haves and the have nots. Those who have money yet can not have children have been schmoozed by Industry language to believe that because of their money "their haves" they will automatically be better parents than those who "have not" the funds. Not realizing that their own "have nots" shows that they are not superior but equal in the arena of life. We all lack in our own certain areas. Industry language allows them to blind themselves to this fact. In short, that we are all human and imperfect.

Motherhood is fiercely competitive. Women willingly pit themselves against others like gladiators in an arena. And to the victors go the spoils. Women with money, who buy into the cookie cutter child rearing of the industry, who are or aspire to be in the upper crust of society,  mame and slaughter those who have not, and society applauds them.

It has taken me years of arguing with my son to get him to not resort to violence first, but to use words to do battle, and yes, life is a strategy game, wars are fought based on strategy, words are powerful tools. I recently listened to him in a telephone battle lol, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. He was brilliant. He was eloquent. He was in control and didn't stammer over his words once, and he won. I was so proud, that when it was over,  I just  had to hug him. What part of being upper crust, having money to throw at a situation, makes my parenting skills less acceptable. I taught my son to use his words instead of his fists. Grant it, his best work comes under pressure and out of anger, but that's when they are needed the most. What part of money, teaches these skills? Why is being able to throw money make one accepted as a better parent?

Funny how once they procure "their" child, they want to join the ranks of mothers who struggle, mothers who worry. They want to converse on daily mothering things, they want to be accepted as "one of them". The gladiator style battle was over winning a seat at the play ground.  How sad. Personally I think they need their own play ground, but that would just mean more damage for the kids.

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The Fox Are Gone  

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm not even sure if I posted that the fox was in fact a female. I know this because she was using the house across the lot as her den. One of her offspring was missing for about a week and then the rest of them departed and have not returned. I miss the excitement of watching them play. I hope they are in the acreage behind me carving out their lives. I hope no one took it upon themselves to capture and relocate theses beautiful animals.

 I goggled this beautiful animal and found out that they in fact rarely eat cats. I worried a bit because of the stray who was so afraid of her and the fact that one of mine went missing. The one who used to play with her. I found him on the side walk in front of the house used as her den. He had been run over. He now resides with the other cat who met his demise via Uniroyal, beneath the big old tree in the back.

 The neighborhood just isn't the same. There are no cats hanging around my door any more. Summer weather I'm sure plays a part, but I can't help but think that the wild little kitten who mistakenly ran into my home, lived behind my stove for 3 months, played with foxes and annoyed the snot out of my other cat, hadn't been the life of the party in the world of back yards and opened spaces. The one stray still comes every few days to eat, but the rest of the gang hasn't been around. I'm sure our tires smell better for it, but my old man cat, the one i have had for years, misses the excitement too.

Maybe winter will bring the fox back to my door.

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Michigan Bills HB4006 and HB4015  

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I don't even care that the bills have been adjusted yet again. What bothers me is that those of us who drove to Lansing, sat patiently, and were told that if we came back for the next hearing, we would get the opportunity to speak first.

After a very long day yesterday I come home to a message on my machine from my daughter that the next session we have been waiting to hear has been scheduled for us to speak, was scheduled for this morning. the news didn't go out until after 2 pm yesterday.

It seems there is an acceptable 18 hour window of notification that allows those who don't want to hear what we had to say an opportunity to schedule in the middle of the week at the last minute so no one can make accommodations to attend.

A post on MiOBC this afternoon stated that there were closed door dealings, that no one was privy to except those involved in the closed door meetings, until they walked into the session.

 I am so disgusted right now I want to wish adoption on everyone of those committee members. Let them lie awake at night wondering if their grand child is OK, being fed, sitting in a dirty diaper, being molested. I wish they could understand how hard you have to try to go to sleep, with all that running through your head, that just won't shut off.

I would have gone if I could have found anything that stated it wasn't re-scheduled this morning. but I could find nothing.

They don't want to hear from us. They aren't the least bit concerned what happens to all those millions of people throughout generations with no civil rights. It's not them, that's all that matters.

 There was one committee member who was an adoptee light (adopted by his step father). I wonder if he has ever had to get a copy of his OBC? I had intended to ask him at the next session. The one that I was supposed to get to speak at. The one that was scheduled for today, in the middle of the week, with no advanced notice, so no one could attend.

I can only hope that one day he is in that position and when he is denied, he thinks of all those he heard testimony from, and al those he didn't,  because we there to protect him and his right to his own paperwork.

I think I'll look him up on the web page and ask him.

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Utah, and Baby Emma  

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I am trying to get more involved in what's going on around the world in adoption. Mine and Rachael's life is less than thrilling, we are like the old married couple now. We call, chat, sigh and hang up. When there is news, or thoughts, I'll post about it, but our blog will gather much dust waiting for another break through in our reunion.


Here is a story I can get behind. Fathers rights trampled like in a stampede. Just look at the list of players. Hospital personnel, LDS, State of Utah, and a woman who now regrets the decision she made.  Probably because she can see by the pain in this mans face, knowing now that he wasn't kidding, he wants to be a father to his child.

After decades of brow beating men for abandoning their children, (which don't get me wrong a lot of them needed it) changing public opinion on fathers actually being parents, demanding that men "step up" (one of my favorite lines used on my teen son in his attempt to be a father) it would seem that there is really no point because anyone who wants to sidestep a fathers right need do nothing more than make a phone call for a plane ride to UTAH.

You would think the state was run by women. Machete wielding, castrating, women who want nothing more than to hit men where it hurts. And it's all covered by, or should i say covered up by the Mormon's of Latter Day Saints. But the sad part is its not true. Men are doing this to other men. Father's who go home at night after a hard days work to their families, do this to other men who would love nothing more than to be able to see, touch and smell their children. Men (and women) who are paying for their kids college education off what they make stealing from other men.

I sent a steaming letter to the state of Utah by way of the email address provided in the web site. I hope you can find a few moments to do the same. Utah is THE child trafficking capital in the United States. Thousands of children have disappeared in Utah. Illegally procured, hidden, snuck out, and sold. The really sad part is who's in on it, adoption agencies, hospitals, lawyers, and judges. 

I'm glad this story hit the media, I hope it gives a huge black eye to UTAH and its baby stealing practices. I fear there is no hope for those who went before baby Emma, but I can hope that through media attention not too many more go behind her.  I can hope.

If you are interested there is a "Tell Utah to stop stealing children from their fathers" group on facebook.

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