DNA Diaries

I read a blog this morning that immediately brought back my own voice. The one in my head that kept saying over and over, stop it-stop it-stop it, push it away, think about something else. I heard that voice for 28 years, and it sometimes made me think I was insane. It's been almost 9 years since Ive had to listen to that voice, and I've had some of the best fortune in those 9 years.

I have developed a strong and I mean fiercely strong relationship with my daughter. I found her father and introduced the two of them. I unlocked so many mysteries and had so many question answered by the man who disappeared. Some that took my breath away. But how fast something can return, and how real it can all be all over again is overwhelming for me today.

Even though I have what so many others despirately desire, I still can't shake the voice in my head. Meer words on paper can bring back the echoeing sounds of a young girls voice, being mean and demanding of herself to not shed a tear, not show a sign, not even so much as flinch. These memories are so strong and so real, the voice so loud, so familiar, so full of pain, that I can almost taste the blood in my mouth from biting the inside of my cheek, in order to keep my composure.

I guess my point is even reunion can't take away the pain of separation.