my first b-fathers day
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Today was Father's Day and i called my biological father. it is our first since our reunion. i honestly didn't know what to expect, but i picked up the phone and rang anyway. i knew the conversation would be short, he works ALL the time, but i wanted him to know i was thinking of him. even if i could only have him for 5 minutes, it would be OUR 5 minutes.
he answers and i loudly sing into the phone "happy fathers day!!!!!!" first i am met with pure silence. then i hear that silly little giggle he has (no matter what he says-he DOES giggle). he was able to muster up a 'i have never heard that one before!' through his honestly delighted chuckles. all i could do was smile. a big goofy smile. just to hear that much pleasure in his voice makes me melt.
he admitted i took him by surprise, which was my goal. i knew he never thought i would call. that i would have my day with my adad and he would not be thought of. but he was. he always is.
i got my expected 5 minutes with him. he was in the middle of building something or another at work, as usual. but the amount of time i had his attention was the point. the point was that i had his attention at all. that he stopped, even for just a moment, to talk to his new-found daughter so she could wish him a happy fathers day was enough. the glee in his tone of voice was all i wanted. i know we may not have much of a relationship yet, i know our lives are like traffic passing in opposite directions at breakneck speeds, i know that this will all take time and work.
but i also know that i am loved. that he may not talk to me often, but it makes him happy just to talk to me at all.
i do not hide my impatience about wanting him more. i want to hear his voice all the time. i want to see him every week. i want to know all his life story. i don't hide that, but the tone he takes with me lets me know it all will be ok one day. that we are in this for the long haul. and that, i can live with.
to both my wonderful dads, i love you and thank you for giving my the opportunity to be a part of your lives. happy fathers day.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 at 6:49:00 AM PDT
I talked to him last night and he was speachless all over again. He told me that it was the first time he was wished a happy fathers day not only by you but also by his friends and co-workers. He said they seldom ever see him happy and on Sunday he was truely happy.
You rocked this man's world.