DNA Diaries

I have known this man almost my whole life. He was a high school friend of my older brothers. He fell in love with me and offered to marry me in order for me to keep my daughter. Yes there was another option for me, but it would have been a lie. A lie to him. I could have married him, kept my child, and made all of us miserable because I did not marry him for the right reasons. It would have destroyed the love I genuinely do have for him.

No other person has ever made my heart smile and ache at the same time. I have never met a sharper wit, or one who was more spontaneous. Voted class clown in high school, he is a true master of comedy. Sometimes dark comedy, but dark has always been my favorite shade. He is an excellent writer, words truly are your forte. He taught me many things over the years, the most important being how to turn a bad thing around. I learned from a master.

He could have walked away from me and never looked back after my rejection of his offer, but he chose to stay. He stayed for another 40 years and counting. He has disappeared on me for lengthy periods of time (something that drove me crazy) but he always returned.

This last time I honestly thought he had moved on to the the next level. I had not heard from him in quite some time. But he's back. I found word of him on classmates.com. Seeing him again is so important to me that I left a message on my brothers site whom I have not spoken to for many years just to have one more conversation with this amazingly funny and lovable guy. This man who has earned and gained my trust. A man who I know in my heart I will see again because we are not finished with one another.

I no sooner found him and he was leaving again. We only had time for telephone conversations and a few brief emails but it was enough to exchange verses, slapsticks, and contact information. He called the other day and I was too busy with my kids to stay on the phone. We talked briefly but promised to talk again soon.

He called again today. He is headed back my way in November and we have made plans to see each other then. How I wish my daughter could get to know this man. One who was an intricate, positive part of my life. One who made an offer knowing that the love would be unbalanced in an attempt to spare me what he could not spare himself, the loss of a child. He too lost contact with his first born. I have not had a chance to ask him if he ever heard from her again, we have had so many other things to talk about in the short amount of time we get on the phone.

I want you to know you have been loved most of my life, far more than you will ever know. You have been missed all the time you were away. You have been prayed for, cursed at, (under my breath), and thought of more fondly than any other. I want to thank you for all you have given me and all you have offered that I refused to accept.

I loved you then, I love you now. I will love you next time we meet.