The Life That Lead To Rachael  

Monday, May 19, 2008

Growing up in the late 60's and early 70's I was the last and only female child my middle class parents had. I was sullen and moody most of the time. My father was a typical drinking, smoking, wheeling and dealing, loud salesman, who spent most nights in topless bars sealing deals and staying number one sales person in his company.

My mother was the typical stay at home mom who kept a clean house and assumed all the domestic chores. She prepared 4 course meals every night, had them on the table at 6 sharp and fed us kids while wondering where her husband was night after night after night.

I remember starting school at 4 because of my birthday. I remember going to the doctor for being left handed, something my father was dead set against. I remember being afraid most of my life.

Home was a war zone between my parents fights and my two older brothers sense of humor which usually involved torturing me.

I honestly believe my mother took advantage of me being able to start school at 4 so she could get a divorce and a job. That was pretty much the end of my nurturing years. My parents did divorce but my father stayed with us for a few more months until he could find a place to live. He slept in my room and I slept with my mother.

I was responsible for myself from that time on. My school was practically in my back yard, so it wasn't hard to get there and back alone, all I had to do was watch for the other kids and I knew it was time to go, either in the morning or when lunch was over.

By the time I was 16 I was no longer quiet, or afraid. In fact i was just the opposite. I learned that the only person I could trust was me.

I met Jim at a bond fire in the park. I had never seen him before but was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I don't remember exactly how we ended up together but once we were we stayed that way for quite some time. I was skipping school every day and hitchhiking to his house. I would go home after school and go back in the evening.

There was a great peace about being with him. He was quiet, reserved, and dangerous. Although he was far from my first man, he was the first to treat me the way he did. I truly believe that man saved my life. He taught me about relationships between the sexes. He taught me love on so many different levels, hot to make it, how to receive it, how to give it, and how unconditional it can be. We were two misfits who just meshed.

I recently found out, after 35 years that he felt the same way. I helped him through many a nightmare bestowed upon him by the Vietnam war.

At the time of Rachael's conception his form of work was not exactly going in to do a nine to five. I had once again become afraid, very afraid. I was not afraid of being pregnant, not afraid of him abandoning me, I assumed total responsibility for my pregnancy and although he agreed to go along with what ever I decided. I refused to take her home.

You see all the men or boys who came before Jim were either related or friends of relatives. Bringing her home was not an option.

I insisted upon adoption and Jim as promised went along with my decision.

Lori A

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