DNA Diaries

I have been asked to share a story about Mesothelioma. I am amazed that this woman survived as it is most definitely a killer. I have wondered if I was exposed to Mesothelioma in my years working the auto parts industry. Back in the day, brake pad and shoes were made of asbestos. So were manual clutch discs. All available in both new and rebuilt condition. Because there was the ability to rebuild these items we collected the old ones charging a fee until their return and we counted them by the bin full to return to the manufacturer. Both carried possible dangerous dust and we never used masks. But that's not the only exposure there was to Mesothelioma.

The Government has knows for decades that asbestos is dangerous and it's still used at the risk of your health. I'm not going to get started on the Government and what I think of it allowing this to happen. If you know me at all you know how I feel about that. Instead I'm going to include some links that may surprise you as to where you are still making yourself susceptible to a know killer.

http://www.mesothelioma.com/asbestos-exposure/
http://www.mesothelioma.com/asbestos-exposure/products/
http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/emily/10-facts-you-should-know-about-mesothelioma-cancer.htm
http://www.mesothelioma.com/media/#!prettyPhoto/15/
http://www.mesothelioma.com/media/#!prettyPhoto/14/


I don't have television any more. I quit that years ago, but I still hear commercials on other peoples tv sets, or the one where I work. It says "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma", and I drift off both trying to recall my days covered with that stuff because it was dirty and clingy, and at the same time trying not to think about it too much. I seem to be fine. There is no need for alarm. I was disheartened when I briefly clicked on those links and found that this stuff is in my every day life. Right here, right now. I live with asbestos, and I thought I was rid of it.


If you would like to read Heather Von St,James story it is here http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/#.VCmVDStdVeO 

Congrats to you Heather for traveling that road and coming out the other side.

 

I tried to revive this a few times but didn't seem to stick with it for one reason or another. It's a new year and I am going to try again. One of the things that stalled me in the past was sticking strictly to adoption topics. Frankly I ran out of things to say from a surrendering mothers point of view. My daughter got swamped raising kids, and we both got kind of burned out on talking about our relationship. So I'm not doing that this year. I have other interests and I'm not going to be afraid to share them. It's my blog I can do what I want.

So what are some of my interests. Well writing. I want to find my voice and not just in an adoption kind of way. I want to try to set free all the things I have squashed. I used to be creative. I used to share stories. Lets face it, I used to do a lot of things. At this juncture in my life it's time to try something new. Besides, I don't have the distractions to stop me any more. I can write all day if I want to.

What shall my fist post be?

Can I talk to you about erectile dysfunction?  No? Okay good, I wasn't really interested in going there anyway. How about something that is DNA related, but from another angle, and most likely a stiffy killer all in itself? Choosing Sexuality.

For some, a long standing theory has been that being homosexual is a choice. And my first thought every time I see a written piece on this or a talk show with some supposed expertly opinionated moron spewing damnation is WHO DOES THAT? Really, who in their right mind would consciously choose to be attracted to the same sex. I'm not leaving women out of this, it goes both ways. We'll get to that in a minute.

Let's just stick with the male gender for now, which seems to be the only gender anyone is concerned with. Why would any man choose to be ridiculed, beaten, raped or murdered just to be different? Why would anyone think that a man would do that just to be unique? It would be so much easier to just be like everyone else. To be attracted to what is acceptable to everyone else. Lets face it, most of them have tried, gone to great lengths, but to no avail. You can't wish it away any more than you can wrap an adoptee in a blanket and pretend your giving birth to them and have them believe it. It just doesn't work that way no matter how much yelling and threatening damnation you do. It doesn't change the leopards spots, and why should it. You may be entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to the choices of someone else.

So when a man "chooses" homosexuality it's disgusting and wrong, but when women choose it, its HOT. It's socially acceptable for women to have relations with another females because most men (and a lot of women) want to see it. They want to watch, and that makes it okay.That's called a double standard and doesn't mean you are automatically accepted in the room when lesbian sex is happening. In other words its not done for your entertainment.  Which brings me to the real reason I chose to write about this.

 If homosexuality is a choice, then it is fair to say heterosexuality is also, and that's my topic. When did you choose? When did you choose heterosexuality as your preferred choice of sexual relations. When did you decide you were attracted to the opposite sex? Oh I can hear it now from the straight males and older women who think that's just absurd. I envision my own mother trying to answer this question or some of my uncles. Older folks who didn't have to grow up thinking about such nonsense. Who will mumble about when men were men and women were objects basically. They won't call them that out loud, but they will trip over their words a little bit in trying to express their opinion of what a woman is to them.

So when was it? Did you give choosing your sexuality in-depth thought as an infant? How about toddler? Kindergarten? Third grade? Middle school? High school? College? At all? Ever? At what point do you suggest a gay person chose? That's all.

Recently I took advantage of an opportunity. It was to use my daughters face book post to get to someone else. Not something I am particularly proud of, but took the advantage of throwing something out there and seeing what happened. I had thought for months how to approach this situation and suddenly there it was. A golden opportunity. There could be huge backlash from it. It could cost me my relationship with my daughter. But I felt so strongly about it that I was willing to take the chance. I was hoping it wouldn't come to that.

Soon I will be moving closer to my daughter. Within an hours drive. This is fantastic news for my daughter and I, but it poses a problem with another family member. Someone I can't take the chance of having around. Someone who, to me, hasn't learned yet to control herself. This someone is my daughters daughter. My grand daughter by blood. I have many reasons and many examples from her past behavior that leave me feeling vulnerable if I allow her into my new home with my new room mate who owns the house I and my son are moving into.

I took my shot, I sat back and waited, and what I feared most started to unfold. I was being attacked. I was called everything from an old whore to someone who couldn't keep the coke straw out of my nose long enough to keep my daughter. Her boyfriend joined in stating that i was acting worse than a 16 year old school girl, that I should be ashamed of who I am, and that my daughters REAL mother is far superior to my low life self.

I know the REAL mother comment was supposed to hurt me, but in all honesty, i was just waiting for it. I knew it would come. I have heard it so many times I am numb to its effects any more and to be honest, I now see it as a last resort. I must have been getting to them with our bantering back and forth for one of them to use the REAL mom card. There is no doubt in my mind that they were running out of things to throw at me. This is a perfect example of what someone will stoop to. To throw a dig that is older than the person themselves, proves that as much as things have changed, some things stay the same.

The question that remains is who DID it hurt? The answer would be, my daughter. The whole thing hurt her, but she understood once we talked it out. I gave her the opened option to walk away and never have contact again. She declined. She has seen her daughter do the same thing to others, and understands why I didn't want to give the benefit of the doubt and wait for something irreversible to happen in my situation. At least I hope what she said is true.

I posted a single comment, "You aren't as honest as you think" and it prompted an on slot of insults and accusations. (which I was pretty sure it would) Twisting my whole life story around to suit her need. Do I deny I did coke, absolutely not, but my daughter had to be close to 15 when that stage of my life transpired. Did I attempt suicide? yes I did, but it was made to sound like it was a recent attempt to gain attention rather than something that happened in 1974 when I was severely hurting and alone. Not allowed to talk about the daughter I missed so much, the pain I felt because of it, or the remorse that haunts me still. Did I become a drunk? Yes I did. But I have been for the most part sober, for longer than my sons AND my grand daughter have been alive. These are all legal adults we are talking about, and I say for the most part because there is a theory that if you take one sip of alcohol in recovery that you have fallen and need to start over. I disagree. I am quite capable of having a few drinks, a few times a year, and not worry about starting my drinking over again. But I was told to go drowned my sorrows at the bar like I so often do.

Was I mean? Probably, but I was honest and I proved that everything I thought would happen, will happen, if I don't make a move and end that relationship. There is more at stake than just a room mate. There is the potential to sabotage my sons career if it does transpire. I am not willing to chance that. It isn't fair to him.

So to those who think that the slut mother/real mother doesn't get used in modern day, you are wrong. When there is nothing else to throw, that card will come into play. Even by those who weren't there, cant imagine, let alone remember, and have no right to use it. But a warning to those who feel its acceptable in times of desperation. You may want to consider who it is you are actually hurting by using it.

In contemplating how I would describe my reunion story, I have come to the conclusion that my tears, which can still come at the drop of a dime, are more sweet than bitter since reunion. Which is the exact opposite of how I felt pre reunion. The emotions that come with thinking of our first meeting can still bring tears to my eyes, but they are now different.

In defense of those who have or want to reunite opposite those (usually men) who feel that its too tramatic for us "Birth mothers" to go through. ( a strange situation all on its own, men defending womens rights instead of women speaking up for themselves) I can only say that even though it was hard to relive almost every moment, every aspect of my past. It was so liberating that I literally felt as though weight had been lifted from me. Weight I had carried so long I didn't even notice it was weighing me down. Stopping me from being happy, being a functining human being.

Because I was not allowed to shed tears over my daughter, because I was not allowed to express any emotion about her surrender at all, I learned to stuff down all my feelings. I became a rock. I didn't need anyone, or allow anyone to console me. Not too many got in far enough to affect me.

 I never cried into my pillow feeling the release of pressure through tears. Something I still struggle with today.How I always wished I could be one of those girls who can go have a good cry and come back better, stronger for it.

What a lonely existance I lived. Never being able to fully connect to any other human for 20 years. Then only able to give half of my potential, because part of me was still missing. The birth of my two sons 20 years later gave me a glimmer of hope that I might be able to connect on an unconditional level. A level I had never known.

My reunion and the story of my and my daughters lives, even though it brings tears, has been "the" single best thing that has happened to me thus far in life. It gave me peace, completed me, allowed me feelings and emotions. I can honestly say that if it lasted for only 5 minutes, I would still feel better for it. Because 5 minutes is all I asked for. I am truly blessed to have 11 years.

I want people to understand that this happens more often than one might think. I remember an article about a guy who at the request of his wife donated sperm and fathered over 200 children. Now what are the chances that NONE of those offspring will be subjected to this same insane cruelty.

I read about an adoptee who was afraid to date because of this very thing happening. About couples who are forbidden to have further contact with one another because it was discovered they were related. Treated as if they deliberately and willingly did something that was against the law.

Adoption and surrogacy aren't even part of this article and it still happens. If it can happen under these circumstances why is it so hard to believe that it would happen when children are adopted or created? Why do people think that this is so rare? Why can some not get it through their heads that people related are in fact attracted to one another? That it's a bond that they share through blood.

I know that my sons are not as close as I would like them to be. My brothers aren't either. But if they didn't know they were related and met on the street, I would bet money that they would like one another, they would share a bond that they felt was a friendship, just like so many other people do. We all have friends.

This is in no way suggesting that this is a male related thing. I have no sisters, and my daughter is much older than her brothers so I have no reference other than brothers and sons.

I have had the debate over whether its acceptable for adopted brother and sister, step brother and step sister to have relationships. Some see adopted and step siblings "as siblings" and they don't see where an attraction can form. Or they don't believe one would. It's wrong to them because they are siblings, but there is no blood relation.

 What aboout those who are blood related? Who by no fault of their own, who by some higher power playing God, keeping them from being exactly what others pretend to be, siblings, are left to sift through life's bits and pieces,  being accused of gross practices when their fates were cast through secrets and lies.  Where is their place?  Do they have siblings or not? Are they still related to their siblings even though their legal bond has been severed? How can one not be related just because the legalities no longer exist? Then all of a sudden your related again when an attraction forms? How can that pendulum swing both ways?

Please read this article carefully. Make sure you understand who each person is in relation to the other. This father tried and was denied access to his son. Who's to blame? Why should they have to live with the fear of criticism of their actions when they weren't trusted with their own past? They were victims of the system who felt "they" knew what was best.

The entitlement some feel, the superiority in authoritative thinking, really pisses me off some times. Playing God with other peoples lives as if they know the out come.

This story breaks my heart. No doubt someone will dig till they find these people and exploit them and their son. I hope this couple (these siblings) do sue. I hope they sues and win. I hope anyone else who has been traumatized in this same fashion sues and wins till they get it through their heads that what they the courts are doing is wrong. It has consequences and it devastates peoples lives.


Couple discover they are siblings: Child courts blamed after strangers fall in love, have a son - an


www.dailymail.co.uk

It might just be me, but something occurred to me recently. That motherhood is a highly charged, stiffly competitive game. I have seen mothers (even myself at times) criticize other mothers for their choices in "how" to rear their children. I have been on the ugly end of judgement most of my mothering life.

I have a son whom I argue with almost constantly. I have taught my kids to debate. Well maybe I didn't teach it, maybe its a genetic defect, because the child I didn't raise seems to have no problem standing up for herself, and she is elegant when she does it. Vicious, but damned good at making a point not only hit home but sting. LOL Makes a mother proud.

I argue with my son to let him get his feeling emotions and point of view out. At school this behavior is strictly prohibited and to an extent I can see why. What chaos it would be if you had to sit and listen to every hormonal teenager. Not a job I would want. But stifling them only puts a band aid on the problem. Leaving the powder keg that lurks below in tact.

I have been accused of teaching my kids to be explosive, instead of being congratulated for taking the time and energy to tend to my child's needs. A good mother wouldn't handle things the way I do. A good mother wouldn't let a child call me the names I have. A good mother would punish for every behavior that isn't completely parent compliant.

Instead of looking at the big picture, the one that clearly shows that this child has inner frustration, and as a child only knows one way to get that frustration out, violence, others look at me in disgust that I teach my children to "argue". I do not teach my children to argue. I teach them to debate and to stand up for themselves verbally. Because I understand that one day, those abilities are going to come in handy. If you have never exercised your right to use them you will be trampled by life itself.

According to "some of" society, my methods are completely unacceptable and insane. Yet my kids are loved by our small town society and love their mother. I have two teen aged boys who have (knock on wood) yet to beat the crap out of one another. I can't say that about my brothers, and my mom was the typical June Cleverish type mom. I continually struggle to defend my methods of motherhood against those who are the upper crust of our little society, AND those who wish they were.

In order to be acceptable as a parent one needs to be in the cookie cutter box of parenting. They seem to think they know what would be best for every child. How is that possible? Not every child is alike. My own three children are not alike. Each has specific needs that differ from the other. Raising them all the same makes them one person with no identity of their own.

Adoption fuels this frenzy by using specific Industry language. Language that makes one feel superior to others. Language that invokes cookie cutter parenting. Language that empowers those who wish to be upper crust in the parenting circles of society. But instead of tearing down glass ceilings, and making it possible for every mother "and father" to successfully monetarily parent their children we opt for separation. We fuel this insecurity between the haves and the have nots. Those who have money yet can not have children have been schmoozed by Industry language to believe that because of their money "their haves" they will automatically be better parents than those who "have not" the funds. Not realizing that their own "have nots" shows that they are not superior but equal in the arena of life. We all lack in our own certain areas. Industry language allows them to blind themselves to this fact. In short, that we are all human and imperfect.

Motherhood is fiercely competitive. Women willingly pit themselves against others like gladiators in an arena. And to the victors go the spoils. Women with money, who buy into the cookie cutter child rearing of the industry, who are or aspire to be in the upper crust of society,  mame and slaughter those who have not, and society applauds them.

It has taken me years of arguing with my son to get him to not resort to violence first, but to use words to do battle, and yes, life is a strategy game, wars are fought based on strategy, words are powerful tools. I recently listened to him in a telephone battle lol, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. He was brilliant. He was eloquent. He was in control and didn't stammer over his words once, and he won. I was so proud, that when it was over,  I just  had to hug him. What part of being upper crust, having money to throw at a situation, makes my parenting skills less acceptable. I taught my son to use his words instead of his fists. Grant it, his best work comes under pressure and out of anger, but that's when they are needed the most. What part of money, teaches these skills? Why is being able to throw money make one accepted as a better parent?

Funny how once they procure "their" child, they want to join the ranks of mothers who struggle, mothers who worry. They want to converse on daily mothering things, they want to be accepted as "one of them". The gladiator style battle was over winning a seat at the play ground.  How sad. Personally I think they need their own play ground, but that would just mean more damage for the kids.

I'm not even sure if I posted that the fox was in fact a female. I know this because she was using the house across the lot as her den. One of her offspring was missing for about a week and then the rest of them departed and have not returned. I miss the excitement of watching them play. I hope they are in the acreage behind me carving out their lives. I hope no one took it upon themselves to capture and relocate theses beautiful animals.

 I goggled this beautiful animal and found out that they in fact rarely eat cats. I worried a bit because of the stray who was so afraid of her and the fact that one of mine went missing. The one who used to play with her. I found him on the side walk in front of the house used as her den. He had been run over. He now resides with the other cat who met his demise via Uniroyal, beneath the big old tree in the back.

 The neighborhood just isn't the same. There are no cats hanging around my door any more. Summer weather I'm sure plays a part, but I can't help but think that the wild little kitten who mistakenly ran into my home, lived behind my stove for 3 months, played with foxes and annoyed the snot out of my other cat, hadn't been the life of the party in the world of back yards and opened spaces. The one stray still comes every few days to eat, but the rest of the gang hasn't been around. I'm sure our tires smell better for it, but my old man cat, the one i have had for years, misses the excitement too.

Maybe winter will bring the fox back to my door.

I don't even care that the bills have been adjusted yet again. What bothers me is that those of us who drove to Lansing, sat patiently, and were told that if we came back for the next hearing, we would get the opportunity to speak first.

After a very long day yesterday I come home to a message on my machine from my daughter that the next session we have been waiting to hear has been scheduled for us to speak, was scheduled for this morning. the news didn't go out until after 2 pm yesterday.

It seems there is an acceptable 18 hour window of notification that allows those who don't want to hear what we had to say an opportunity to schedule in the middle of the week at the last minute so no one can make accommodations to attend.

A post on MiOBC this afternoon stated that there were closed door dealings, that no one was privy to except those involved in the closed door meetings, until they walked into the session.

 I am so disgusted right now I want to wish adoption on everyone of those committee members. Let them lie awake at night wondering if their grand child is OK, being fed, sitting in a dirty diaper, being molested. I wish they could understand how hard you have to try to go to sleep, with all that running through your head, that just won't shut off.

I would have gone if I could have found anything that stated it wasn't re-scheduled this morning. but I could find nothing.

They don't want to hear from us. They aren't the least bit concerned what happens to all those millions of people throughout generations with no civil rights. It's not them, that's all that matters.

 There was one committee member who was an adoptee light (adopted by his step father). I wonder if he has ever had to get a copy of his OBC? I had intended to ask him at the next session. The one that I was supposed to get to speak at. The one that was scheduled for today, in the middle of the week, with no advanced notice, so no one could attend.

I can only hope that one day he is in that position and when he is denied, he thinks of all those he heard testimony from, and al those he didn't,  because we there to protect him and his right to his own paperwork.

I think I'll look him up on the web page and ask him.

I am trying to get more involved in what's going on around the world in adoption. Mine and Rachael's life is less than thrilling, we are like the old married couple now. We call, chat, sigh and hang up. When there is news, or thoughts, I'll post about it, but our blog will gather much dust waiting for another break through in our reunion.

BABY EMMA

Here is a story I can get behind. Fathers rights trampled like in a stampede. Just look at the list of players. Hospital personnel, LDS, State of Utah, and a woman who now regrets the decision she made.  Probably because she can see by the pain in this mans face, knowing now that he wasn't kidding, he wants to be a father to his child.

http://www.babyemmawyatt.com/

After decades of brow beating men for abandoning their children, (which don't get me wrong a lot of them needed it) changing public opinion on fathers actually being parents, demanding that men "step up" (one of my favorite lines used on my teen son in his attempt to be a father) it would seem that there is really no point because anyone who wants to sidestep a fathers right need do nothing more than make a phone call for a plane ride to UTAH.

You would think the state was run by women. Machete wielding, castrating, women who want nothing more than to hit men where it hurts. And it's all covered by, or should i say covered up by the Mormon's of Latter Day Saints. But the sad part is its not true. Men are doing this to other men. Father's who go home at night after a hard days work to their families, do this to other men who would love nothing more than to be able to see, touch and smell their children. Men (and women) who are paying for their kids college education off what they make stealing from other men.

I sent a steaming letter to the state of Utah by way of the email address provided in the web site. I hope you can find a few moments to do the same. Utah is THE child trafficking capital in the United States. Thousands of children have disappeared in Utah. Illegally procured, hidden, snuck out, and sold. The really sad part is who's in on it, adoption agencies, hospitals, lawyers, and judges. 

I'm glad this story hit the media, I hope it gives a huge black eye to UTAH and its baby stealing practices. I fear there is no hope for those who went before baby Emma, but I can hope that through media attention not too many more go behind her.  I can hope.

If you are interested there is a "Tell Utah to stop stealing children from their fathers" group on facebook.

As many of you have read, there was a young man adopted from Russia to Tennessee that was recently 'returned' due to behavioral problems. Here's the link for any of you that have not seen the story.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_russia_adopted_boy

Now 7 year old Artyom was in an orphanage in Russia, he was brought to a foreign land, with alien values, language and people surrounding him. The little that he did have in Russia may not have been much, but at least it was familar. I'm unclear of why he was in the orphanage, did his parents die? Was he relinquished? Removed? I don't know, but what I do know is this boy has gone through hell and back. Psychological problems? HELL YES! Imagine what issues he is going to have after this little event.
Let's break this down. TRY to put yourself in a 7 year old mind and think about what he has seen. Maybe he had a family, one that he remembers. And one day they are gone, for whatever reason-GONE. You are then taken to a place filled with other children. You probably hear stories of never finding a home, living there forever, who knows what he heard. But he claims he was beaten with a broomstick. Just a bit more salt in that wound please and thank you.
Now you are 'choosen' to be place in a home, you are going to have parents! Ones that don't speak your language, serve food you are unaccustomed to, have do things you don't understand. And you can't even ask what the hell is going on. Because they don't understand you.

Have you ever had a day that you just felt alone? Even if you are with a huge group of people, you just feel you are alone? Compound that by 10,000 and shove it onto a 7 year old. There is not enough tears in the world to express this solitude

Artyom claims his 'mother' was "bad" and that she "pulled his hair" AND, (your gonna love this one)"didn't love him". Yeah, that'll be an easy recovery from. Like he wasn't already feeling estranged, but now there is another family that doesn't love him. This won't be grounds for emotional stife later in life.
I am not a perfect parent. I yell too much, I don't spend enough time playing, I am way too busy for my own good. But I can tell you one thing, my kids know I love them. There is never a question of that.
I simply can not imagine putting my 7 year old on a plane alone for 2 hours to get to Florida, let alone to send him off accross the world. I don't even know how long of a flight that is, but it's not a quicky. Can you imagine the confusion this kid had? Did he have a clue what was going on? He was ditched again, I don't care what anyone says, THATS what he was thinking. Yet another instance of someone not wanting him. Pushing him off to something unknown.

Ok, this kid is not faultless. He was violent and threatening. He drew pictures of burning down the house with the famiy inside. He was a major jerk. But he's 7 and has no sense of what a family is, how to interact in one or even a remote sense of stability. I think I'd go postal on someone too. NO, I'm positive I would. But guess what? These are classic signs, not unheard of. When my husband and I got together I his son was a problem-still is. His mother gave up custody of all 3 of them. Willingly. It's different I know, but he was still left behind. And it affected him. I have stuck by him for 12 years. He's still a major pain in the butt, he's mouthy, known to be violent time to time, has threatened my life, exhibited severe social issues. Not an easy child by any means. But guess what? HE'S MY SON. Period, there may be lot's of times I don't like him, but I'll never leave him. I knew what I was getting into.

I'm going to try to wrap this up, I can feel myself beginning to quiver from all this. It's making me sick.

In the end, just because you take in a child, give him a home, feed him and buy him some new tennis shoes-does not mean he is your lap dog pouring out undying appreciation and gratefulness. He is not obligated to be anything more than what he is, a kid. He didn't ask to be there, he doesn't understand whats happening. What he does understand is that every adult he has had in his life has left him. ALONE. What do we do to the worst of the worst of our prisoners? We put them in soliatary. Alone so they are deprived of contact. This is the same thing, on an emotional level. And I have a hard time believing this child will ever truly be 'normal'. HOW COULD HE? What normalcy does he have to base off? NONE. They love you-they leave. These ones over here love you-they leave. Hmmmmm.....think its possible that society as a general whole has utterly damaged this child beyond repair? Sure they may make him look good and normal, but inside, what state is he going to be in?

I'm climbing off my soapbox now. In closing I'd like to clearly state my very own personal opinion, and I'm not caring if this makes me popular or not.
I hope they fry that family. Torry Hanson, 33 of Tennessee, I hope with every ounce of my being that you see prison time until you are old and grey. I hope your mother is right along side of you. I hope your uterus rots from lack of life and when you get to hell, I hope, no PRAY, that you are given the same treatment you gave to the 'child' you were supposed to love. And to Artyom, dear boy, I pray that you are able to see that the sins of the adults you have been so unfortunate to encounter, are not yours. I can only hope that you can see that. One day.

I have seen the fox a few times since posting about him/her in February. I even watched the stray cat who has a whole in the side of his face run into my back room when spotting the fox out side. Poor thing was trying to get between my dryer and the wall. There is no doubt this stray cat has had dealings with this fox and the whole in the side of his face very well might have come from the fox.

My son came in this morning after starting his car, quietly saying, "come here, come here". I went to the window and there she was, but she looked a little smaller than what I remembered. maybe it was because she was across the empty lot between the houses. I didn't have my glasses on so visibility for me was sketchy. But I saw them moving around, her three pups. That's right the fox at my door, who has been eating her share of the cat food for the strays has three small babies. They're just big enough to come out of their den which is under the vacant house tewo doors down  and roll around playing. She left for just a few minutes and came back with a good sized rabbit for them to eat. Fresh meat on a warm Spring morning, then off to sleep for the day. I will be watching as sunset comes with my binoculars.

 Now i feel compelled to put out even more cat food and left overs. My husband is going to shoot me. LOL. I'm always feeding someone.

About 30 years ago I opened a box of Milk Duds and found a tee shirt offer inside the box. I thought it was the most pecular thing. I wanted one. Can you imagine a woman wearing a bright yellow tee shirt that said MILK DUDS in huge brown letters across her chest? well I threw the box away thinking I'd catch the next box and send off for my tee shirt then. Needless to say, I never found another Milk Duds offer inside a box of Milk Duds. Maybe someone figured it out and quit printing the offer. I can't think of any guy who would wear a shirt like that so the offer was pretty much a waste.

Fast forward to one of my and Rach's conversations getting to know one another. I tell her this story about the Milk Duds tee shirt offer and she finds it as funny as I do. No real surprise there, and its so not my point.

This past Christmas, Rach ended up having a Milk Duds tee shirt made, too perfect. I'm a lot older and the shirt wouldn't be a lie at all. But she gave it to her sister instead. Which was hysterical, because her sister had a double masectomy, those puppies really are Milk Duds.

 I jokingly asked if she would wear it when she came for dinner.

So as not to disappoint, Rach's sister came through the door wearing the bright yellow tee shirt with the BIG BOLD BROWN LETTERS..... MILK DUDS across her chest. What a trooper she is. What a fun lady. Now I'm wondering if we can't start a trend with other breast cancer survivors. You would have to have a sense of humor to get through what that poor woman went through. I'm sure there are other women out there who would wear a shirt like that proudly. I say proudly because they are alive to wear it.

 Though not funny at the time, I think maybe that tee shirt was just the thing to bring about a smile when one was sorely needed, and although she probably won't wear it on a regular basis, it's great to know she could wear it proudly for even just one day. And yes we all laughed.  

As Lori said, our last visit was a hit. We had a great time and I look forward to the next time. It did have a different feel though. More-natural. Visiting family is always hectic, too many people, not enough hot water or toilets. You know the routine, but we never really seem to mind.
As we have more opportunity to see each other and the chances of this 'being the last time' is a thing of the past, we are truly growing into more of a family unit. We don't feel the overpowering urge to be close to each other constantly. It's not so surreal, now it's normal. Even when my sister came for dinner. It all flowed. How many people can say they can sit down to dinner with their biological family AND their adoptive one and no hostility, distrust or 'weird vibes'?? Not enough that's for sure.

Although I ended up sick, my 6 month old grand son ended up with a stuffy runny nose, my one son only got to stay the weekend, and my daughter was so busy we barely had time for anything except running to the store, it was more like actual family than what we have experienced in the past.

Families do run to the store 20 times when getting together, there are always other things that need to be tended to, like work, parent teacher conferences, and play dates.

after 10 years our get togethers are finally starting to feel more like family. As opposed to a grand occasion that requires sitting next to one another so closely that we touch, checking each other out for similarities, not wanting to fall alseep because.... well just because.

It's a great feeling and I had a great time. Grand son was a hit, snot and all, and there was a lot of snot. My son got his first real taste of what being a full time parent was, sleepless nights, fussy baby, regular feedings, yeah it was great and he was great at it. He depended on him momma and sister a bit, but all in all he was a trooper.

His brother was a stitch on the way home. Baby was cranky, needed to be fed on the road, and had sneezed releasing those oh so not cute bubbles from his nose. Brother has realllllllly long hair, wind was blowing, and he was holding his nephew almost arms length away so as not to choke the kid when the wind swept his hair into baby's mouth, or so he says. You could see the cringe in his face when the thought of getting snot on his shirt and in his hair was mentioned. Too funny, but worth every memory.

I didn't cry this time when we had to leave. I didn't even feel that sad, I am getting used to being a family with my daughter. I don't know about her, I haven't asked. I did ask if she was going to be all right as we were leaving. She said yes, she would be good.  I hope she was.

Already thinking about next time.

I went to Lansing yesterday to give testimony to send Bills 4006 and 4015 to the house for a vote. My daughter was supposed to go as well. We each worked on our testimony for a week. Unfortunately her husband fell ill the night before and she had to stay home.

Well I thought it was going to be hugely intimidating and it was not. There were maybe 40 seats in the back of a small room. One desk with a microphone that anyone addressing the legislators sat at while speaking and a large U shaped desk that seated all the committee members.

I did not get to give my testimony which is both a good and bad thing. Yes I drove all that way for what would seem like nothing to some, but to me it took away all the spooky feelings, and now my daughter has a chance to make the next session that they have determined they need to gather further information.

That means if I go back, which I plan to do, I will be able to read my testimony because the women who were there last week and didn't get to speak, and came back this week, were given  special consideration  for their returns.

So now all we need to do is get my daughter signed on to speak and we will be all set. I'm glad in spite of the time and money it will take to get there again, that they are allowing a 3rd session. It gives hope that they are genuinely taking things into consideration.

There were two speakers who gave strong excellent testimony. One was Darly from MiOBC who is a lawyer, a CI, a search angel, and an adoptee. The other was a Pastor who did marriage counseling. He spoke of what he had seen in marriages where one of the partners was an adoptee. The issues that adoptee's have with relationships. Think about it, how can you have a relationship with anyone if you don't know who you are.

The women who spoke of their own personal relationships with adoption and surrender made me cry. Mostly because I could relate. One I slapped on the arm with my rolled up testimony that didn't get read and the other I had to hug after we got out of there.

One of the committee members was an adoptee light (adopted by a step parent) so even though he has one of his parents, has a copy of his OBC, he still has sealed records. I'm not even sure he realizes that. He probably never needed to get additional copies of his paper work. I do intend to ask next time I'm there.

So another session will be announced, hopefully soon, and i will be off to Lansing again. Hopefully with my daughter meeting me there to speak as well.

although I had hoped the TV station in India would have covered more, and still may, I am a little disappointed in what they left out. Particularly the marking on her body.

But something has come through on the brighter side. she received a comment on one of the segments from someone in India, or who keeps up with Indian news, that she most likely came from the southern part of India and that the TV stations of the north are not watched in the south. she was instructed to get her story out in southern India in the proper dialects and she might stand a better chance of reaching someone who knows something.

THEN SHE GOT an email from a journalist who had talked to the mother superior in charge of the convent. She has only held this position for a year and a half so she really doesn't know anything. He too suggested getting her story out in the southern parts of India and suggested the same places as the commenter. He said he would be in touch with her so there is hope that he is going to help get that done. He also let her know that every station had covered her story this morning, or when ever morning is in India, the other stations have picked it up.

One note to point out, they did get Vanessa's age wrong. someone commented on her not being able to recollect or search for her family from the age of 3, and being 30 now. As best she can guess, because she doesn't know for sure, Vanessa is 40. How sad, can you imagine, not knowing your own age or birth-date.

There is really nothing more intimate to me than that what is mine. My name, birth date, length, weight, time of birth, ancestry.

I know several International adoptee's who share Vanessa's dilemma, no name, no age, no birth date, and no history. Hopefully the days of never finding out are over.

Just beginning to scratch the surface on this bizzar twisted story. Not she makes comment about the markings. This is hopefully a key part in her story that will help reunite her with her family.

Remember to post comments so they will continue to dig into this deeper.

PART 3:
http://www.facebook.com/l/3e6f5;www.timesnow.tv/videoshow/4341102.cms

I already know this story. It is one of the sadest things I have ever heard. This is truly just the beginning. The more comments the more they will investigate. Please help get her story out there. It has taken decades to get this far.

Part 2:
http://www.timesnow.tv/Excl-I-am-searching-for-my-parents---2/videoshow/4341000.cms

This is the first in a series of links to a story of a friend of mine. Vanessa is 34 years old, has been parted from her family for more than 30 years, and all she wants is to know who her family is.

Please take a few minutes to watch each part of her story as it comes out and comment on it. Without comments they will not continue the story.

This is a perfect example of adoption gone wrong. This is what some face in the name of adoption.

Somewhere in India there is a family still grieving the loss of a disappeared daughter.

PART ONE:

The horrifying story of Vanessa Pearce-News-Exclusives-TIMESNOW.tv - Latest Breaking News, Big News.


www.timesnow.tv