Waiting Arms
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
This is a persons name. She left me a message on my post "I've been Inspired" about how offended she is that I would lie about another persons situation. She has accused me of going into http://www.twietconfetti.blogspot.com/ and twisting everything this woman was saying.
The problem I have with this isn't that she left a comment on my blog. As you can see I left it there. It is that when I ASKED, ASKED, for clarification, I got a very snotty reply and was guilty by association to my friend Cricket. Whom I did just talk to by the way. I do not agree that she blocked your response to me on her blog. I think she should have left it up, what ever it was, but it's her blog so there isn't much I can do about it. She thought you were mean and hateful. I find humor in that statement as everyone involved seems to claim Christianity.
I openly admitted that I was new to the whole religion thing and did not understand the statement about pancake breakfasts. I still don't understand. Not from her point of view. But I have talked to a hand full of Christians who are outraged by the statement made by the original poster wanting her church to step up and help her with her kids.
I tried three times to make my point, even posting something (which I can't remember now what it was) in reference to the people I find offensive. Oh I just remembered what it was. The girl who wanted an adoptee from some tribe who does piercings as part of their culture because it would match her own piercings. I sent that to her, and she still blocked it. I told her that if she really was doing what she says she's doing I applaud her for saving lives. BUT, I got no where with her. She refused to give me the common courtesy to explain why she felt the church needed to step up and help with her bills concerning these children whom she had labeled as orphans in one breath and disclaimed it in another by stating that the mother's weren't actually dead yet.
She quoted the bible as to how we are to take care of the widows and orphans and yet all the talk was of the younger children. I ASKED if there were no older kids to care for, to which she did in fact reply yes. That they had helped some of the older children too. At least I got an answer on that one. But instead of trying to help me to understand, she dismissed me because I was a friend to Cricket and told me to go talk to my pastor.
If you want to spread the word that the church should step up and help with these costs, you should not be offended by someone asking you why you feel that way. I was trying to see her point. I had no opinion one way or another on it, but was actually trying to form an opinion. Well long story short this woman has sparked something in me that I do plan to investigate further. Unfortunately her opinions and basis for thinking this way will not be part of my opinion on the subject because she eliminated herself from being allowed to discuss it with me. Maybe I would have supported her opinion, but you will never know now.
As to your remark about my drug addiction, I'm confused. I drank too much, realized it was a problem and that I do not drink alcohol well and did something about it. This was partly brought on by my surrender of my daughter but more so by the bad gene's that run in my blood. Not something I can do much about. I had a problem and I handled it all on my own. It hasn't been an issue for 20 some years. I fail to see the relevance in bring it up unless you are trying to dis-credit me with it. Good Luck with that one. Adopters drink too, so do Christians. Some way more than they should.
And I am totally confused by your remark to my daughters fathers family. What venom or viciousness is it you accuse me of in regard to them? The only thing I did was swallow a lot of fear and find the one man my daughter really wanted to meet. I had no idea what he was going to say, or how he was going to react to my call. As far as I can tell it all turned out better than it could have. Every reunion has it's bumps, something you would know nothing about, being as your children or your friends children or whomever's children will never experience reunion, for several obvious reasons.
Again I am ASKING to hear more on that. What have you misconscrewed in my reunion with my old friend and his family. He has one sister who is not interested in meeting my daughter. She is protective of their mother, justifiably so. If you knew anything about reunion you would understand that this is a normal behavior. But I would like you to clarify what it is you think you mean.
I will be really surprised if I get any further communication from you, but if you answer I will post it. Bottom line I TRIED, but was guilty by association. Cricket and I agree on very few things. It does not mean we can't be friends. We are great friends, with different opinions. CAN YOU AND YOUR CHRISTIAN FRIENDS SAY THE SAME????? I think not, and the both of you just proved it.
Just to be perfectly clear, I never intended to offend your friend but this is the Internet and inflection can be misconscrewed. I was ASKING because I was trying to understand. She ASSUMED that I felt the same way as Cricket. Your friend accused Cricket of not knowing her Bible, sorry not true.
Now I don't want to hear anything your friend has to say, and so far in my talks, with the Christians I know, neither do they. They all think she's bogus.
My mistake I did just re-read the post you are referring to about the fathers family. The jury is still out on that one. I didn't do anything wrong, Aunt D is the one with conflicting stories. Rachael sent me the message Aunt D sent to her and it is way different that what was sent to me. As far as I know there are still family members who are willing to meet my daughter, and her grandmother is more than receptive, I just haven't posted about that yet. We are still waiting to see what transpires. But the relationship between her father and Rachael could be better and it could be worse. As far as the rest of the family, these things just have to work them selves out. Again something you would know nothing about.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 9:28:00 AM PDT
Lori,
Thank you so much for your grace and for keeping the lines of communication open! I may have misunderstood you by thinking you were referring to me when you said that you got a snotty reply when you asked for clarification. I did not receive the request for clarification nor did I reply.
Blogging is sometimes a limited method of communication and it is sometimes easy to misunderstand each other since we are not face to face or having an ongoing conversation where we can immediately explain what we mean if we are misunderstood! Thanks for your grace in allowing me to explain myself. I did not make you guilty by association by your friendship with Cricket—in fact, reading your comments on her blog gave me an understanding of her position. Your comments on her blog were thoughtful and kind and I tried desperately to show the same kind of grace towards you when I responded to your comments. Obviously, I failed if Cricket judged me to be mean and hateful. Unfortunately, we are all strangers to each other, so it is very easy to judge each other! I have been reading your blog since, and I appreciate the rawness of your emotions and it has certainly given me food for thought! I will keep reading both you and your daughters blogs.
I am so sorry that you felt that I was trying to discredit you by referring to your drug use. Far from it! I was responding to your Sabbath posting where you said that after your horrible experience with the pastor, alcohol and drugs took over your life. I only mentioned it to try and reach out and show compassion (and I truly mean that), but again I failed to communicate what I meant! Sigh!
I don’t know Carolyn personally anymore than I know you or Cricket—you all are people whose blogs I read. My comment on your blog was not because I was defending my friend as you call her, but simply to respond to a discussion I had been following on the links below:
http://twietconfetti.blogspot.com/2008/08/wheres-my-church.html
http://cricketsintheraw.blogspot.com/2008/08/christians-and-adoption.html
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 9:37:00 AM PDT
Lori,
Thank for reaching out to Carolyn and her daughter re: the MSRA. I will pass on your website info to her on her blog. Have a nice day! And again, thanks for your heart and grace!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 10:36:00 AM PDT
another fine example of how stuff can get sooooo misconscrewed.Your going to love this. IT WASN'T MY POST,LOL it was Rachaels. She uses italics, I don't. And I was not referring to you as being snotty I was referring to Carolyn.
But you know what I LOVE the outcome..
Okay truce. I have to admit, I never thought you would come back but I'm impressed that you did.
I left Carolyn's blog alone since I have no no no intention of badgering an Adoptive Parent unless they are being a BAD parent, which I would do for any child. I'm bold like that and it gets me in trouble, a lot. But I don't care because the kids come first. I truly do not understand the pancake breakfast thing and wish SOMEONE would explain it to me. I also have a weird sense of humor, so caring for kids with pancake breakfasts I find humor in. ESPECIALLY if you, or Carolyn in this case, won't explain yourself. I was just poking fun because she blocked me and left me nothing else to do but poke fun.
Cricket and I disagree on almost everything. It's a wonder we hang around with one another, but we do. We teach each other things. She's far more sensitive than I am and we kind of off set each other. She's also very protective of her religious beliefs, and I, pffft I'm trying to find mine. So is Rachael.
I have not been in her blog for a while, I actually forget about it. I'm like that.
As for you accusing me of being guilty by association, again I meant Carolyn at first. If it spilled over onto you I guess I ASSUMED that time. Oops, my bad.
I do remember someone and it must have been you being very kind, and gracious in responding to me. I thank you for that. Since I do not hang out there often, I don't know who's who. So THANK YOU for your kindness.
As far as Cricket deeming you hateful, maybe it was Carolyn or someone else that went over there and commented, I'm not sure. When I talked to her this morning she hadn't been on her blog either and was just making a general statement about someones answer. It may not have been yours at all.
Crickets been sick lately and has taken in a new family member, so she has not had time to check it out.
I sent Carolyn a piece that came to me just after that conversation and I was appalled. This young woman wants to adopt from a tribe because they have something in common, piercings. I was livid and sent it to her as proof that some people have no business adopting.
That woman clearly needs to go shopping more at the mall to pick out her accessories. And yet she feels she has the right to own this child. She kept saying "isn't IT cute." I wanted to find her and choke her.
I think you and I are on the same page for the most part. I don't argue religion because I don't know religion, It was forbidden in my house growing up. That's a story all in itself.
One thing I do want to say to you since you are looking into adoption. Get a copy of their original birth certificate before the adoption is closed, and take what agencies say with a grain of salt.
Rachaels parents raised her thinking that they had a drug baby born to a 13 year old mother who didn't know who the father was and had run away from home.
Rachael saw it in her fathers face when I introduced them, He knew who I was, and I spotted him from behind after 30 years. He is, and always was one of my dearest friends. I was clean throughout my pregnancy with her and he stuck by me for as long as he could. I lived at home for another 2 years after she was born.
Thanks for getting back with me it has made my day.
As far as the MRSA, even among our differences the child came first. Rachael and Cricket can attest to my machines. I honestly believe that now a days EVERYONE needs what this machine can do.
I look forward to another conversation with you my new found friend.
Remember Rachael Italics, Lori Not.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 12:43:00 PM PDT
uh oh-did i open my mouth and start a bunch of this?
yes, sabbath was mine. sorry for any confusion this caused.
and waiting arms-i have some very serious issues with your aquaintance's ideals. i am not anti-adoption, but i am anti-'if you cant take care of the life you have dont continue to bring more in and expect me or anyone else to front you the money you need to live'
i commend this womans heart, but i dont believe she is using her head. kids are not dogs that always need rescuing. you cant throw us some kibble and think all will be well. and if a mother is dying and all she has left in her life is her child, i think she may want to spend as much time as possible with them-and them her. you cant call them 'orphans' just because a parent is ill.
i know what it feels like to not know where you come from, to not see yourself in anyone else. to be lied to about your heirtage, roots and genetics.
as grateful as i am to my aparents (and trust me i am, they are wonderful)the loss i felt and coped with my whole life by not having lori was great.
so to know this woman is 'collecting' children (orphans) away from their ailing mothers and will never ever have the info they need to fill in the gaps of their lives is very discerting to me.
i have NOT gone to this other blog-nor will i ever. i will never be able to contain myself and not accuse her of something she feels so deeply about. my purpose of a blog is to vent my feelings, not be bashed for them. in light of that i refuse to do it to others.
im glad you and lori were able to get this straightened out. i read this earlier and instinctively started a comment-but i stopped. more nastiness and harsh words would serve no purpose. so i waited. and im glad i did. this turned out better than i could have imagined.
hope to see you around more often and to learn from one another.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 5:37:00 PM PDT
Thanks Lori and Racheal for the dialog. I am glad it was finally pointed out that it was 2 people posting--glad to know I am not losing my mind--at least not yet :). I had been getting totally confused thinking it was one person! I am learning and learning. We plan on giving our adopted child all the information on the birth family and will actively keep the lines of communication open if the birth family permits. We will also support our child as if they seek to reunite with the birth family. This is all new territory for us and want to educate ourselves as much as we can--even though sometimes we may disagree!
Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 3:04:00 AM PDT
waiting, i hope to hear from you from time to time. it may be a very very informative relationship between all of us. we have every aspect of the triad, it may shed new light on things for all of us.
so i officially welcome you back at any time. i hope to see hear from you soon.
and lori is right-get a copy of the original birth cert BEFORE anything is finalized. DEMAND it. it will be the most valuable piece of paper in that childs life one day. take it from me-been there done that.
Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 7:28:00 AM PDT
Wow,
There is so much I want to say and am actually having trouble finding the words.
I am really glad this happened. It cleared up a lot of things for me, (not pancakes, not yet anyway) that I have struggled with.
I try very hard to remember that without the parents Rachael got, my daughter could have had a very different life. She DOES NOT need to be grateful for being adopted. I AM however grateful that the people who raised my daughter were more than generous, genuine, and most of all loving and tolerant of the child I felt best not to raise.
I sometimes feel like I'm an outsider in the fight against adoption, but this post has brought out many different aspects.
I'm still not sure I am in agreement with the original poster, Carolyn. I may be misreading her all the way around.
But one thing I do know is that adoption can and has been, for the most part, the saving grace in my daughters life. I don't agree with adoption as a whole, because I don't agree with what it has turned into.
I despise the thought that people have to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to be in a position to help a child that needs a home.
I am very conflicted with International adoption because of the things I have heard from adoptee's who are IA's. The stories of what happens to their elders when their family has all been sold and no one is left to care for them. But most of all, that lots of these children are not orphans at all, but rather commodities than were illegally separated from their parents, identities changed,and sold like cattle.
It has been said that if we are to change adoption as it is, parents from both sides need to unite. I honestly believe that is true.
I want the government out of adoption. They have a very different vested interest. I want adoptive parents and perspective adoptive parents to know that these children have issues no matter how much you love them, or how well you raise them. They are not clean slates and have a very real need to know their identity.
I have only known my daughter for 9 years, but the relationship between us is unbelievable and it has most definitely been one of the most important things in both our lives.
You can try, but I seriously doubt if you could get a piece of dental floss between our loyalty to one another, and I accredit a lot of that to the parents she had.
I never wanted to raid a persons blog, forcing my opinions on them. I do however want to reach out to as many perspective and adoptive parents as I can and let them see that it is possible to work together and share a common interest. That interest would and should always be what is in the best interest of the child, not what is best or most convenient, or most popular in social circles and on fashion runways for the parents.
Waitingarms, you have won my respect. I hope you are as good a parent to an adopted child as my daughters parents were to her. You have no idea what a relief it was to hear after 28 years of wondering, that my daughter got a good home, with great parents. I truly feel blessed, that God had been watching over my daughter all those years. He Could have given me a tiny heads up to easy my worry but hey, I guess I need to trust him more and that I am working on.
Rachael, I love you with all my heart, thanks for loving me back.
Waiting arms, you are welcome here any time, and have free rein as we do not believe in censorship. If you feel you can or have the desire to explain pancake breakfasts I'm all ears. You can private email us.
This has been a wonderful experience for me.
Thank You