And The World Turns...pffffttt....
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I'm sure most of you have read Lori's post, the parental meeting was a bust. Lori was there and we did have a great time. But Jim was MIA and I was beyond heartbroken. Yes I do still question my place in his life, especially now, after a war online with his dear dear sister.
I can not believe things got so far out of hand. The venom that oozed from those emails was shocking. She took horrible personal stabs at me and my entire family, but Lori took the brunt of her focus. But I got my spanking too, trust me. Lori is right on when she said she painted a very unsavory picture of Jim. She projects him as a pathetic momma's boy that is incapable of making any life decision without guidance from sister or mother. There was even a comment made to me about him being violent. She claims that she was locked in her home crying tears of fear because she was convinced that either Jim or Lori were coming to get her.
So lets recap....Jim is a complete pod person that is too weak to make a choice for himself, he can be manipulated very easily (because I have done that), he is excessivly violent and hostile, and he does not care about his family in any way.
Thats some great things to say about a man that you claim to love more than life itself and are closer to than anyone else in the world.
Now I have ended contact with her. I will not call Jim either. I promised him that the ball was in his court, I was obviously moving too fast for him, so he can take the lead now. I want to talk to him, I want to hear his voice to reassure me that this will not end OUR relationship, but it's his move. Maybe soon, maybe....
This is exactly what I feared when I first had contact with him. I battled with the fear of disrupting his life, exileing him from the ones that he has had in his life all these years, basically being a thorn in his side. The deed was not by my hands, but it did happen, due to my presence. I feel responsible. His life was quiet, calm and just the way he liked it before me. Now it is riddled with pain, confusion and down right nastiness. And who is the eye of that storm? YUP...good ol' Rachael.
Lori has talked to me, assured me, comforted me. I am so thankful to have her, I don't know what I ever did without her. And Jim will one day call me, he will promise that all is fine, he took care of it. But in my heart, it won't be fine. I have ruined his peaceful life. I know this because dear ol' auntie put that out there. His serenity will never be restored. Not as long as I am in his life.
I guess the only thing I can do is sit and wait. If he calls, great. If he doesn't, then I move on. I can't possibly blame him if he doesn't, that is his family. His sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, his mother. I can not and WILL NOT ask him to choose. But I know they will ask him.
AND THE WORLD TURNS.....END OVER END.....
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 4:30:00 PM PDT
I plan on completely ruining it for you. What more possible damage can be done at this point. By tomorrow I will have these printed off and in the mail to him, along with a letter from me. I'm working on that now. By God he is going to know what she has been doing and saying to you. He's a quiet man who likes his privacy and his routine. But you changed his life and you know he was happy about it or he never would have returned my call, let alone agreed to meet you. Meet both of us for that matter. Maybe I am the problem, but he needs to tell me that, because his sisters may control that family but they do not control this one. Around here if you want something you have to speak up, and I'm going to make him speak up and tell me to go away.
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 6:34:00 AM PDT
i am convinced he would have told you already. long ago. you do what you do-i promised not to press him any further, so i wont call him. i promised.
i feel so bad for him, talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place...sheesh
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 11:53:00 AM PDT
Too bad Jim allows his sister to run his life. I can understand his fear of going to the family get together, but since he already committed to it he should have found a way to suck it up and attend. Allowing his sister to beat up on your and Lori is pathetic.
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 3:20:00 PM PDT
Maybe: He didn't allow it. I called him, told him it had been going on subtly for months but is now getting out of hand and he said he would handle it. Rach got 4 different very vile emails right after the two of them got into a fight about it. If it wasn't for her emails neither Rach or I would have known he did anything.Thanks auntie for passing along the good news.
He really isn't one to be pushed around, and I guess this was no exception.
As for the get together, his call. No one can make him heal himself and going is very healing. At least it was for me and he is going before the same people so I can't imagine it would be any different for him.
Saturday, August 1, 2009 at 6:17:00 PM PDT
I'm truly sorry for all the pain this is causing both of you.
But yes you do have your Mum Rach, and I can tell you from a Point of View of someone who does not, is not embraced as Lori has embraced you that hurts more than anything.
I dont even have my fathers name or anything :( except that he was over 6ft with black hair.
You know your heritage with Jim to a certain degree, and whilst it isnt perfect at the moment it is something. You need to cling to that , hold that to your heart.
Personally I would't push Jim Lori by sending him copies of posts and so forth, otherwise they will resent you more and make it harder on Jim.
Its up to Jim, to stand up for what he wants to stand up for. I agree with you Rachael dont press him, let him be for a while to think and let him come to you if he wants. Perhaps a letter stating that you are sorry that its gone this way and giving him your number and address and saying you are leaving any further contact up to him...
I hope it turns out for you..
But dont beat yourselves up if it doesnt ...(((((hugs)))))
Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 8:28:00 AM PDT
You're probably right Jane. I probably shouldn't send the emails she left. I just have a nasty habit of becoming exactly what I have been accused of. I'm actually tired of this man and his family to be honest. I'll have to ponder what my next move is.
Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 4:33:00 PM PDT
Thats only because you are hurting Lori
Monday, August 3, 2009 at 3:52:00 AM PDT
You're absolutely right Jane. I seem to be a lot of peoples whipping post lately, and it is most definately makeing me cranky.
Monday, August 3, 2009 at 11:43:00 PM PDT
" His serenity will never be restored. Not as long as I am in his life."
You may feel this way because of all the venom poured towards you probably gets his way too. But his serenity may just as well be greatly increased over time. Having you in his life may be the thing that breaks up the crap his "dear dear sister" is spewing.
She sounds like quite a burden/challenge for everyone.
At least the world keeps turning so we know things will change.
He enjoyed a quiet life for a while and now he's got an opportunity to go beyond his old comfort zone and expand. I hope you are all well.
Saturday, August 8, 2009 at 7:02:00 AM PDT
Someone needs to knock the crap out of Jim's sister! Don't know where she gets off but as far as I'm concerned she is out of line! It's upsetting to see that one family member can cause this much heartache! Hang in there! Someday Jim will open his eyes and truly see what he'd missed! Sooo sad!
Saturday, August 8, 2009 at 8:49:00 PM PDT
thank you for your kind words and support. it has been an emotional time. and yes, sister is a force to be reckoned with.
we have not heard anything from jim thus far, i honestly dont know when or if i will. i cant bring myself to put any more on him. the ball is in his court now.
i am hopeful, maybe one day we can move past this, but he needs to be ready. and i dont think he is yet. he needs more time. as much as it pains me, i DO have that to give to him.
i cant imagine the frustration and confusion he is feeling. stuck between his daughter and the rest of his family. they can push all they want, i think i am going to take a different route. i am going to back off and see where this goes. let him clear his head a bit.
if there is one thing i can say for sure, i lived a long and decent life before him and his family, i know i dont NEED him. this could hurt me badly, but it will not destroy me.
thanks so much for all of your input!!!