A realization  

Monday, August 18, 2008

Since I have been involved with my daughter and other adoptees I have heard about the issues of being riped away from the first mother and the effects it has on children. This is something I never imagined when I decided to give my daughter up. I thought (like everyone else) that she would be a clean slate and bond with her new family and never give a thought to who I was or have any affects from being taken away from me the day she was born. Although I did get to see her she was strictly hands off. See her is all I was allowed to do. I think they were afraid I would change my mind. They could have been right.

Although I heard the stories, the realization didn't hit me until the last few day. Be it the same or not it brought the stories full circle for me. Some people will say there is no comparison but I beg to differ.

Here's what happened

I got a phone call from a friends son who asked if I could call his girlfriend, she wanted to ask me something. I said okay and called her right away. She seemed a little squeamish as she explained to me that someone had brought a kitten to her work. If you know anything about me I am a magnet for kittens, whether I want to be or not.

Anyway, this kitten is the last of the litter and is going to be put to sleep if someone doesn't take her. I already know that she can't take her, but am not amused by her asking me to. I had at one point 11 cats of various sizes and ages here in my home. Some got families and others were taken in for possible pet adoption. I have to face the facts, they probably didn't make it to adoption.

As I am listening to this girl try to ask me as nicely as she can to take this kitten and keep it from being put to sleep, I can hear in the background, this poor kitten screaming, and screeching. I told her to bring the kitten to me right away. I have a teenage girl on the verge of tears at the thought of this poor creature being killed for lack of being wanted and a scared to death baby kitten literally screaming from fright on the other end of my phone and although I can't make any promises, I can't say no. This young girl needs the relief of knowing she saved this creature and the poor kitten needs comfort immediately.

I insisted that they stop at the store and get me a baby bottle for the kitten, which she agreed to. When they pulled up there was an even younger child in the back seat of an older model car that was doing her best to comfort the baby. It wasn't working. After all the upset this kitten had experienced by being torn away from its mother, shown off and man handled by a gazillion hair dressers, lifted and examined, put down and picked back up, and then went on I'm sure what was a car ride from hell.

I took the kitten immediately, and held it to my chest. It did seem to settle down a bit. I was handed a bag that was to have a baby bottle in it for the kitten. As I opened it I see an actual infant bottle. They had no idea it required something that fit it's tiny mouth. I questioned them as to how I was supposed to get this into that tiny hole? The reply I got was that it will work, that's what the other person was using. This poor poor kitten.

I have had possession of this beautiful creature for 4 days now and it is finally settling in to her new (temporary) home. Yes I said temporary. I have 4 male cats and want no more. I did manage to find a home for her when she is ready, or should I say my son did. His girlfriend is going to take her. It has all been okayed with her grandparents whom she lives with.

Three days of screaming, shaking, being scared out of her wits, looking for her mother, her litter mates, the familiar smells and sounds. Feeding from something foreign to her touch and taste. Being bathed with cloth instead of the all to familiar mother's tongue, sleeping alone and no longer having the heart beat of others surround her. Eyes barely opened and vision probably blurry, she has barely come to know my touch and my voice as one's of comfort.

I recognized her fears as soon as I heard her cries on the phone and again when I saw how small she was, barely 4 weeks old. Why she was removed from the comfort of her mother I will never know, but it hit home hard as I watched it all unfold before my eyes. This is without a doubt the smallest and youngest I have ever taken in.

After all the things I watched this defenseless kitten go through in the past four days, I am sick with guilt, shame, and remorse, for all those who have experienced this, be they animal or human.

This is the plight of one little kitten, who will no doubt have a happy, healthy home as soon as she is ready to leave here, but the suffering I watched her go through and still do when she wakes up or is startled, is almost too much to bare. It hits very close to home.

The stories of abandonment and the fears of being away from what was familiar are much more real to me now. Having been seen first hand through the eyes of a kitten.

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3 comments: to “ A realization

  • rachael
    Monday, August 18, 2008 at 6:53:00 PM PDT  

    here kitty, kitty dont you cry.
    soothe your fear and screams of why

    a better life we will find
    of comfort, safety and peace of mind

    my face will fade but my strength prevail
    and from my guidance you will sail

    here kitty, kitty dont you cry
    a world of knowledge you gave to I

    sorry, impromptu. it happens. not my best, but i get what you are saying. put your heart at rest momma-your kitty grew up to be a lion. you did good. love you

  • maybe
    Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 12:04:00 PM PDT  

    It's hard for us to realize these truths because so much of the so-called "research" is actually written by those who work to promote adoption.

    Other voices are either ridiculed or ignored. I do have hope that more people are learning, as I see very spirited discussions on blogs, forums, Yahoo Answers, etc.

  • Sunny
    Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 5:49:00 PM PDT  

    Enjoyed your post, Lori. ;-)


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