tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post3950899377922454093..comments2023-03-20T07:17:57.272-07:00Comments on DNA Diaries: Unraveling reunion-AgeLori Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16941584141149840911noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-19814174831765444542009-05-01T20:10:00.000-07:002009-05-01T20:10:00.000-07:00i agree lori....i think this subject is a draw. i ...i agree lori....i think this subject is a draw. i truly believe there have been some great points brought up, but for both ways. <br /><br />definitely a case by case subject. we worked out well later on, cedartrees worked out well early.rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10527083471146369724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-12660305280371669452009-05-01T17:39:00.000-07:002009-05-01T17:39:00.000-07:00I had prepared my whole life for the day Rachael a...I had prepared my whole life for the day Rachael and I met again, and I still wasn't prepared either. I think somehow it depends on how much you want it. I had to revisit a lot of painful memories. At too many points I was 16 again, but I made it out the other side. I stuck with it because I wanted more than anything to find out WHO she was. After all the years apart I wanted to know her, and I was willing to drudge through as much crap as necessary to find the answers to all the questions she and I had for so many years. <br /><br />Although it seems to have worked out for us that we were both older when we reunited, what worries me is that some will take this to heart and wait to long and have "no" chance at reunion because the other person passed away. I don't want to be responsible for that. So the dilema still remains.Lori Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16941584141149840911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-46500125382591240142009-05-01T16:48:00.000-07:002009-05-01T16:48:00.000-07:00being me....is that you justice?? thanks for addin...being me....is that you justice?? thanks for adding input! and i agree..the internet is a very useful tool<br /><br />now...cedartrees, this is exactly what im talking about. what age is too young? for either reunion or for the decision of relinquishment? <br />yes i agree that LOGICALLY being older is the better choice, but you also lose precious time. that is my biggest regret-waiting sooo long. <br />im so happy it worked out for you early. that is fantastic. <br /><br />so, from this i can see that age is defintely a case by case issue. for some it works out wonderfully early-for others more maturity is needed. <br /><br />beginning the next topic soon. great insights guys!!!rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10527083471146369724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-88886118275684837812009-05-01T14:12:00.000-07:002009-05-01T14:12:00.000-07:00I found and reunited with my son when he was 19, a...I found and reunited with my son when he was 19, and for us it was not a moment too soon. Two decades apart was too much for the both of us. Not that this works for everybody, as everyone is different, but it worked for us.<br /><br />It is interesting that adoptees are cautioned by many agencies not to reunite until they are "much older" and "more mature" (a.k.a. mid-to-late 30s), yet the same agencies consider young moms "old enough" at age 15 or less to sign away their children, often without counselling or with agency brainwashing such that the moms never hear of any alternatives! :( I wonder if this signals part of society's attitude about adoptees being "perpetual children" -- or is it done to "protect" adoptive parents? <br /><br />"But emotionally are 18 year olds ready for such a life changing event?'<br /><br />Corrolary: At 18, is a mother ready to surrender her baby, for this life-changing event?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-31138045445010452462009-05-01T11:18:00.000-07:002009-05-01T11:18:00.000-07:00Joy and I have been in reunion longer than we were...Joy and I have been in reunion longer than we were apart. The early years were rough. A lot of that was because neither of us knew what to expect. We had no preparation or reference points back then. Her youth and my ignorance were made for learning the hard way. The internet and much greater openness can ease reunion now.Being Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18191598836451286017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-84390288465179840932009-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:002009-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00I think age can be an important factor, but some a...I think age can be an important factor, but some are more able to handle the tough emotional work of reunion at younger ages....others are not. Seems like it depends on emotional IQ in addition to age.<br /><br />Thankfully, the web has made it easier to prepare for reunion. Without the many resources I found online I would have been completely lost in how to handle reunion. I'm hoping my son is also using the web as a resource for working through reunion.<br /><br />Many people say "get help" before you attempt reunion, which I think means "seek counseling" (and we all know how lousy therapists can be when it comes to adoption issues).<br /><br />Young people are so comfortable using the internet - I hope this will help the younger kids who attempt reunion earlier.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-22019111642588681822009-05-01T03:41:00.000-07:002009-05-01T03:41:00.000-07:00cedar i think you are right. i have never heard of...cedar i think you are right. i have never heard of laws that legally forbid her from contacting her. but they are told that. lori was, and she had no reason NOT to believe them. <br /><br />and peach...knowing is absolutely the first step, and you may be right, age might not have anything to do with it. the emotional journey of reunion might just exceed any age limitations.rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10527083471146369724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-29495685443905073402009-05-01T02:35:00.000-07:002009-05-01T02:35:00.000-07:00I was reunited at the age of 21 or 22, as I search...I was reunited at the age of 21 or 22, as I searched immediately after graduating from college. I admit, I was not prepared at all. But I don't know if I ever would have been, actually. It would have been good to have had support groups and known other adoptees and first moms, but it took the years of "thawing out" emotionally to walk through the many layers of my own adoption issues, and reunion was one of the keys to this, in my opinion. Knowing.Samantha Franklinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18249283547377633349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-12437603394457442662009-04-30T19:30:00.000-07:002009-04-30T19:30:00.000-07:00"birthmothertalks", I do not know any state that p..."birthmothertalks", I do not know any state that places a default restraining order against natural parents such that they are not permitted to contact their child until that child is a certain age. (But I have heard of many agencies telling this to mothers.) This restriction would violate your Constitutional right to Freedom of Association. Which state do you live in? I'm interested in seeing the legislation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-12596639066193106912009-04-29T19:32:00.000-07:002009-04-29T19:32:00.000-07:00IM GLAD YOU CAME BACK!!
yes i do hope one day thi...IM GLAD YOU CAME BACK!!<br /><br />yes i do hope one day things will be different. and i sympathize with you. i hope your wait goes by quickly and you have a wonderful experience.rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10527083471146369724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4555494885427182657.post-42961172084789297812009-04-29T12:18:00.000-07:002009-04-29T12:18:00.000-07:00I know right where my daughter is, but if I follow...I know right where my daughter is, but if I follow the laws within my state, I can't contact her until she is 21 years of age.She can't contact me until then unless her parents give her the information. I so badly want a reunion sooner rather than later, but I will do my best to wait for her. I am hoping with the new way lots of adoption are going with open adoption that in years to come there won't be a reason to reunite, because everyone will already know one another.birthmothertalkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.com